One Mom's Year of Gratitude

playdates

2010-01-14T16:15:00.002-06:00

I am in the mood for a gratitude post, and I have something to write about, so I'm going to go for it. I have been missing the blog a lot, and while I am not ready to commit to anything permanent, I'd like to try and post every week or so. Well, let's just say when the spirit leads.

I am grateful for playdates.

Four years ago, playdates were really momdates. No babies were playing together, only moms talking, commiserating, sharing stories and giving support.

Three years ago, playdates were more about the kids, trying to keep them from hurting each other and taking each others' toys. Letting them be around each other, but mostly, letting the moms get together.

Two years ago, playdates were about letting the older children interact, but still mostly parallel play. Younger children were now along for the ride, and moms talked less and less as they managed the children.

One year ago, playdates were chaotic. Not much talking from the moms, lots of moderating of children.

Today, Dylan had her first drop-off playdate with a girl from her preschool. She had the choice for me and Noah to go with, or for her to go alone. She excitedly chose alone.

So, I dropped her off for two hours today at Isadora's house, and she had a blast. When I got there to pick her up she didn't want to leave. We were already making plans for the next time before she had her shoes on.

On the way home, I asked her what they played. Her reply? "Boat and Having a baby!"

Day 365.

2009-12-31T08:42:00.004-06:00

It's hard to put to words the mix of emotions I feel as I write this last post. I have completed my journey, my year of gratitude, having not missed one day. This blog started out as a goal, turned into a welcome discipline, and now I admit it was feeling some days as annoying homework. The amazing thing about it, however, has been the blessings that have overflowed from my openness and will to not give this up. Each time I sat down at the computer to do my blog, rolling my eyes, I would end up smiling by the end of my post. I mean it - looking at the bright side really does make you happier. At least writing about it does. Because of my blog, I've had one of the most positive and stress-free years of my adult life. Everything is put in perspective when you focus on gratitude. Even outside of my blog, I would notice myself talking about being grateful so much more than I ever had before. I had developed a whole new gratitude vocabulary.

So, what am I grateful for this last day of 2009? That feels like a lot of pressure, to punctuate this experience with something extra meaningful. So, I'm going to halfway cheat (cause I can do that - it's my blog) and I'm going to have a list.

Things I'm grateful for, looking back at the year 2009...

I am grateful for this blogging experience, this spiritual discipline, and for fulfilling it.

I am grateful for a year full of health for my family.

I am grateful for Jason having a stable job, when many in this country are struggling.

I am grateful for four wonderful parents who love us unconditionally.

I am grateful for siblings (both natural and in-laws) who are fun to be around and who love my children.

I am grateful for my nieces and nephews, who I love and can't get enough time with.

I am grateful for two amazing children who challenge me, make me more patient, give me hugs, and make me laugh every single day.

I am grateful that I am able to stay home with my kids.

I am grateful for my church; it's been a hard year, but things are looking up.

I am grateful for my incredible husband, who is also the best dad I could ever want for my children.

I am grateful for you, all the readers of this blog, who have inspired me and encouraged me to keep writing, even when I felt like I was writing something no one would want to read.

Happy New Year!

P.S. I will continue (or go back to...that blog has been neglected) to post life updates on my Rhodes Family blog (ontherhodes.blogspot.com) and may continue to do some gratitude posts here and there on this blog. Check back for more updates!

Day 364.

2009-12-30T21:07:00.002-06:00

I had heard good things about the Wonderland Express, an exhibit at the Chicago Botanic Garden which had several trains running through a nature wonderland. One man had crafted various Chicago landmarks out of different forms of nature and it all worked together seamlessly to form a really cool exhibit! I highly recommend.

I am grateful for family outings.

Whereas I married a homebody, and I have recently admitted how much I love my days at home, I am still a person who LOVES a good outing. I love leaving home to go do something fun. Anything really - going out to eat, to a park, a trip to Target, a museum. It's all pretty fun for me, as long as it's not freezing cold or raining - too times I don't really like outings all that much.

So today we ventured out in the just about 30 degree weather, slightly snowing (only enough to be pretty and not slow traffic too much), and headed to the Botanic Garden. It was a lovely afternoon/evening and even though our first three restaurant attempts did not work out (first one closed, second one 45 minute wait, third one 20 minute wait), we finally found a little quaint Mexican joint to hit up for some much needed chips and salsa and a margarita. Yum!

Day 363.

2009-12-29T20:59:00.003-06:00

It snowed in Chicago while we were down at my parents' house for Christmas. So, we came back to plowed roads and trampled sidewalks. BUT, there was still barely enough snow to play, and barely enough snow to go sledding down the side of the viaduct by LakeShore Drive. Yay!

I am grateful that I got both kids home without any major meltdowns.

Snow play is fun stuff. It has to be, because anyone brave enough to put on two pairs of pants, two shirts, snow pants, socks, coat, mittens and hat on two preschoolers better be in for the time of their life. Lucky for me, it didn't disappoint. But there were several moments where I thought...this could turn very, very sour.

For one, I made them walk...I mean DUH, it's two blocks to the park/viaduct we were going to. That is not far. BUT, put on layers of clothing, snowsuits, coats and mittens, and you have a "The Christmas Story" situation, and all the folks passing us on the sidewalk could not contain their amusement. I knew on the way there that the sledding/snow play was bribe enough to get their little feet moving. But when we were done, what would be the cheese luring them home? I spent the way there thinking about the possible bribes I could use to get Noah to walk just one. more. block.

Then we lost Noah's orange ball that he brought especially to play in the snow. Somewhere it just disappeared among the white fluffy stuff. Luckily as he started crying, I enthusiastically threw out, "Let's come back and look for it when the snow melts!" and he thought that was the most incredible idea EVER (phew). He stopped mid-tear.

Or a meltdown could have ensued from the stupid broken mitten that Noah was wearing on his left hand. The zipper broke (to hold it on) last year and I'm too cheap to replace it (I paid $10 for that pair of child's snowproof mittens!). So, it kept falling off and he was getting a cold, snowy hand. You can just picture how that could go bad, no?

But instead, the worst meltdown of the day? When I had to convince them to go home. Yep, that's right. It was THAT fun.

Day 362.

2009-12-28T17:28:00.006-06:00

I blinked. Guess what happened? The baby that was in my womb so snug and warm, who was birthed in less than three hours of labor, who was taken from my arms, who I wasn't allowed to feed, who was so critical...but still mine, YOU are no longer a baby.

I am grateful for growing up.

I am equally sad, nostalgic, and happy for this milestone. This special baby of mine is no longer a baby, and no longer in a crib, but in his very own Big Boy Bed! With a capital B! And not just any bed, but a bunkbed to boot. Noah Quinn, I cannot believe you are big enough for a real bed, but you are. You're happy and healthy and full of life.

Watching your kids grow up is an amazing and wonderful thing. But there are elements of sadness there too, and so while I will happily kiss you goodnight in your bottom bunk tonight, I will also remember the more than a thousand times I've lifted you in and out of that crib. I'll remember your first night in that crib, sharing a room with your big sister. I'll remember how rested I felt the first time you slept all the way through the night (although that did not last). I'll remember when you wouldn't go to sleep unless you'd told me "I want this right here, this right here, and that right there" (arranging your pillows and animals just right). I'll remember when you couldn't be tucked in without us laying down your blanket just right (feet first, then up to neck, in one swoop). I'll remember when you decide no covers was actually the way to go and you forbid any blankets in your crib.

We've never been without a crib in our house for the past five years. It's hard to believe that we've been in "baby" mode for that long. Part of me longs to keep it going, to hold on to the crib for the next go-around. And part of me is happy...content...and grateful, for what is and what is yet to come.

Finally letting them climb on after three hours of putting together...

Their room, with the extra space now that they have bunkbeds (notice my daughter who is disobeying one of the new "bunk bed rules").

Reading peacefully together, all snug in their beds.

Day 361.

2009-12-27T23:07:00.005-06:00

We're walkin' in a Winter Wonderland. Why is it that whenever we wake up to a day of travel it starts snowing like crazy? It is beautiful here, and we finally got the snow I'd been hoping for all week...but on the day we are leaving. How inconvenient!

I am grateful for traveling mercies.

At my parent's church a lot of people asked for traveling mercies for family and friends on the roads. When I heard the prayers in church I was thinking how vague it seemed, like a blanket prayer that didn't have as much meaning or something. Now I feel so grateful for the same thing I was judging just hours before.

Sometimes it's hard for me to pray for something that seems generic or vague. Like, "I pray for my family." Or "world peace" or "the situation in the middle east." But while I feel inadequate in these moments of prayer, for not naming something specific, God is lifting my prayers up and holding not only my words but my thoughts and my whole being in his arms. Just because I feel like my prayer is falling short, doesn't mean it actually is.

Lately I have loved the "sitting in God's lap" image to sustain me in times of fear, helplessness and depression. But why can't we "sit in God's lap" in vague and generic times too? Sounds like a safe seat to ride home in.

Day 360.

2009-12-27T22:57:00.006-06:00

Saturday, December 26, 2009.

I don't like the day after Christmas much. It's sort of a let down after spiritual highs, fabulous family overload and fun in gift giving and receiving. All the planning and waiting of advent is over. Well, not entirely over...we still have Epiphany, right? But really. I have to be honest here, and it's sad for me. So what is my silver lining today?

It's not hard to find, as I look around at my wonderful family, our abundant love and many blessings of health and happiness. What is there NOT to be grateful for.

I am grateful for time, however fast it goes.

This week has sped by. We came on Tuesday to enjoy almost a week with my family. And now it's drawing to a close, while feeling like we just began. But as I moan and sulk about how fast it went, I realize how wonderful it is that we had it at all.

Our kids are making memories that will truly last a lifetime. It's very possible that Dylan and Anya will remember some of this Christmas celebration this year. We have pictures to account for Noah's adorable obsession with baby Nora. I'll remember Evan's free love and hope that he's still telling me "Hilwee, I love you too." (without me saying it first, mind you :)) when he's 15.

These are beautiful times, and so whatever time it is, however fast it goes, I am so happy it was here at all.

Day 359.

2009-12-27T22:50:00.004-06:00

Friday, December 25, 2009.

Christmas Day.

I am grateful for Jesus Christ, and for his mother, Mary.

Back to my wonderful devotional book by Jan Richardson. I love Jan's focus during advent on mothers, birth and women in general. Usually I don't focus on Mary all that much during advent. Besides one of my favorite songs being "Breath of Heaven" (which is very Mary focused) - I just kind of fail to dwell on that perspective.

But as a mom, when I start to think about Mary's own journey to motherhood, I am really blown away. I guess for so long I thought of the Christmas story in very abstract ways. I didn't picture an actual mother and father with an actual baby all that often. So I didn't think about that mother as someone with labor pains, with anxieties about her new role, with hopes for her newborn child.

Now I see Mary, and can see all women past, present and future, linked together. And I am so grateful for this deeply felt bond with people I don't even have to know, but whom I can appreciate and be inspired by. I am also grateful for the many wonderful female role models in my life. I am truly blessed.

Day 358.

2009-12-27T21:14:00.005-06:00

Thursday, December 24, 2009.

Christmas Eve. The Christmas Eve church service at First Mennonite Champaign-Urbana is a destination. It is always a magical time for me. The pastors change, the people change (but many stay the same), the Christmas carols rotate through, but the Spirit is always there. God is always thickly present in this space.

I am grateful for First Mennonite Church.

This church had a good part in raising me to the person I am today. Our family valued our church community like no other, and we were dedicated to being a part of this body. Now I still feel connected to the church, and especially to the magic of the Christmas Eve service. I am blessed and filled.

Day 357.

2009-12-27T21:10:00.005-06:00

Wednesday, December 23, 2009.

I've been struggling with headaches lately (may have something to do with trying to give up caffeine again...or eating trace amounts of dairy?? Don't know). And so this morning when I wanted to be looking forward to going to my parent's cabin with the whole family for the day, I was annoyed to wake up with another headache. Ugghh.

I am grateful for pain medicine.

I am not a huge pill-popper. I would like to think I wait until I really need medication to take it...I'm just wary of medicating for every little thing. This morning, I was all about the pain relief, and I was so glad to have taken it, have it work, and have a happy day with the family at the cabin.

Day 356.

2009-12-27T21:04:00.004-06:00

Tuesday, December 22, 2009.

Over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go.
The horse knows the way to carry the sleigh through the white and dusty snow.
Over the river and through the woods, oh how the wind does blow.
It stings the nose and bites the toes as over the ground we go.

I don't actually know if those are all the right words, but that's how I remember it. And what's we essentially did this morning as we packed up and left our snowy winter wonderland, better known as Chicago, to head to my folks in Champaign. So snowy and beautiful here...but so exciting to go see family for Christmas!

I am grateful for anticipation.

I have been waiting to see my niece Nora again for three months!! I can't wait to hold her again, to see my other niece and nephew and to be with the rest of the clan. Christmas and the days surrounding it are certainly the most wonderful time of the year (duh, they wrote a song about it).

Day 355.

2009-12-21T20:38:00.003-06:00

I wish I still scrapbooked. I mean I try to do it, but golly gee it sure takes a long time. And so I'm almost three years behind on my kid's books - I've just barely done Noah's birth. That makes my blood pressure rise just thinking about all the catch-up I need to do.

Back in 1999, after my first year of college, I put together a scrapbook of my first year of college. Back then it was fun, four years later it seemed a little ridiculous, and now it's fabulous! I love looking at it and really, it seems like a totally different person from who I am now.

I am grateful for scrapbooks.

Today while packing for Christmas, I found my freshman-in-college scrapbook and showed it to my kids. They had fun trying to find me in all the different pictures. "Mommy, why are you doing that? Why are you making that face?" And I had fun remembering why it's good to do scrapbooks, and now I need to get back on the bandwagon!

Day 354.

2009-12-20T20:59:00.003-06:00

I woke up too early this morning, for it was my morning to sleep in (this term is relative now that we are parents - sleeping in is 7:30/8:00 at best). I was wide awake at 7am with my kids running around the house in the background. I wanted to stay in bed but couldn't justify it. So, I got out my devotional book I recently started (eager to begin a new spiritual discipline since this one, my blog, will be ending soon) and decided to do my 2 minute time with God in the morning. It was just what I needed.

Because of Advent, and with the help of this wonderful devotional for women, I've been doing a lot of thinking about waiting. I'm not a very good waiter. I am anxious, impatient, and often annoyed at the waiting. I just want to get it over with and get the good part here...or the bad part over with, depending on what I'm waiting for.

I've also thought a lot of about waiting in regards to our own church conflict and healing. I just want to get it over with...to heal, to welcome, to be done. But the waiting is powerful.

from Sacred Journeys: A Woman's Book of Daily Prayer by Jan L. Richardson:
"We must acknowledge that not all waiting ends in the birth of new life. Babies arrive stillborn. Dreams disperse. Revolutions die.

At these times, community becomes particularly important. Awkwardness and uncertainty may sometimes dull a community's response when a long-awaited birth ends in brokenness. Yet communities with skill in healing know that what sustained us in waiting will sustain us in grief. Our wounds begin to heal as they are bound by strong threads of connection: spirits that recognize and know our inner beings, voices that bless, arms that hold our rage and embrace our sorrow."

I am grateful for the words of Jan Richardson.

Day 353.

2009-12-19T19:43:00.002-06:00

I know I already wrote about Dylan's favorite words, but seriously, it is getting better and better.

I am grateful for Dylan's imagination.

Not only is she working "frank" and "damage" into everyday conversation (and all characters in pretend play/dollhouse are named...you guessed it), but she has added some more words to her favorites.

Dylan's Favorite Words, Dec. 19, 2009.
frank
damage
popular
potentially
derek
twist
shout
kiki
laurie
brick

(Yes, Derek, that is you and your wife in there. You have been named often these past few days...not as people, but as the wonderful words that are your names.)

Day 352.

2009-12-18T20:28:00.002-06:00

I am a big fan of the "How to Talk So Kids will Listen" book and I often go back to their timeless techniques of parenting and relating to your children. And so right now, I desperately need to be reading their companion book, Siblings without Rivalry. My kids don't fight incessantly, and really it's pretty harmless when they do. But it's annoying. And possibly harmful to their relationship? The bickering is just so YUCK. I'd love to help ease them out of it. So if anyone needs a last minute Christmas gift for me, I'd love that book.

They fight and they bicker and they whine and they sometimes push. But when they play nice, they play SO good together. And for so long! Today they were in their room together (shut the doors on their own to make up a camp or something) for over an hour having a ball. Not one cross word, not one tear, not one raised voice. It was heaven.

I am grateful for moments of sibling bliss.

Do I want another kid? Maybe so.

Day 351.

2009-12-18T20:20:00.002-06:00

Thursday, December 17, 2009.

Wrapping presents is one of my favorite traditions of the holidays. A couple of years ago my family decided to get a bunch of fabric and wrap presents in that instead of having 3 or 4 garbage bags full of crumpled paper at the end of Christmas Day. My mom and Lara were the initiators on this and I never got any (probably cause I didn't ask). Now I do wish I had some, solely for the environmental reason. But, I admittedly LOVE wrapping paper...and cloth is not quite the same to wrap with. So, until I do get cloth...

I am grateful for wrapping presents!

I largely underestimated the interest my kids would take in this task this year. Dylan was my "writing girl" who did the names on some of the packages. And Noah was my "tape boy" who got me almost every last piece of tape I needed to wrap around 20 presents. That's a lot of tape! He enjoyed every moment. He also enjoyed rolling out the huge roll of Frosty the Snowman wrapping paper across the whole family room floor and walking all over it and wrinkling it up. And he enjoyed laying down on the paper and asking me to wrap him up. I started to get mad, and then caught myself and actually halfway did it (being careful to keep the paper nice enough to use again!). Dylan enjoyed whining about how she wanted all of the presents for herself and didn't want to give them away. They both enjoyed using the leftover scraps to wrap up little toys of their own themselves and "play Christmas." And I enjoyed it all...even when I was mildly annoyed and impatient.

Day 350.

2009-12-16T18:41:00.002-06:00

I'm making arroz con pollo for dinner tonight. It's a dish that both Jason and I love - I had it a lot in Costa Rica when I went on Study Service Term there 8 years ago. This recipe was a little more cuban than Costa Rican, and I see now that I might like the drier Costa Rican version better. But this is still a great meal. It took some time - actually about double the time I accounted for. I planned on dinner at 6 as usual. And at 6:07 I realized it was still another 40 minutes....woops. I am a slow cook and it sometimes is really frustrating as I make my family wait.

I am grateful for the patience of my family.

Often if the kids are hungry they are hanging at my feet whining, "Can I have a snack?" and I just cannot cook like that. So tonight, Jason had the kids in the other room for the last 40 minutes of my cooking and I was listening to Christmas music, checking my recipe twice and sipping Beaujolais. Thank you Jason, because tonight when I said, "40 more minutes" you didn't say "Really?!" You said, "Ok" and took the kids away to play (unintentional Dr. Seuss moment). Thank you thank you thank you.

Day 349.

2009-12-15T19:59:00.003-06:00

I am grateful for Christmas books!

I love Christmas books. I guess I have to love them. Both my mom and aunt Jeanie have given me a Christmas book every year that I have been alive - and so my collection is thick (30x2 plus others). It's so much fun to get all my Christmas books out each year and is like a walk down memory lane as we read them, now with my own children.

For bedtime stories, Dylan and Noah have been using the extensive Christmas book collection to pick out their books, and tonight Noah had picked "There Was No Snow on Christmas Eve." It talks about how there wasn't actually snow on Christmas Eve cause Jesus was born in the hot desert, etc. Much more eloquently put in the book of course...and it's a beautifully illustrated one. So anyway, I was about halfway through the book and Noah asks me, "Where is Santa in this book?"

Day 348.

2009-12-14T18:20:00.002-06:00

I had a killer headache (no caffeine I realized after the day was over...duh...but good for me to stop drinking it...) all day, so when naptime hit, I demanded that I lay down in Dylan's bed while Noah was trying to fall asleep. Dylan wanted to be near me, so she lay too, and although she tossed and turned and annoyed me for the first 25 minutes, I finally fell asleep for about 5 minutes, abruptly woke up to a phone call, and found her totally zonked. Woops! I didn't mean for her to take a nap...but OK!

So then I leisurely started dinner ahead of schedule so I could leave and take Dylan to violin and come back and have it pretty much ready. I was making Yellow Split Pea Dal with Roasted Cauliflower and Quinoa. One of the main flavors in the dal is fresh ginger, which I had, until I took it out of the fridge to use and it was moldy. Big bummer. I couldn't substitute ground ginger for fresh in this instance, so I called my upstairs neighbor and asked if she had 10 minutes - could I run to the produce market down the street while she sat in my condo for a few minutes while my kids slept?

I am grateful for helpful neighbors.

She said yes! And so 20 minutes later she was down with her twin girls and I was briskly jogging to the store. Score! 74 cents and 6 minutes later, I was back home and back on track with dinner. Thanks, Maggie!

Day 347.

2009-12-13T20:50:00.002-06:00

I am grateful for the worship theme today.

Rejoice! It felt so refreshing to be joyful today in church. I really needed a positive, happy service that reminded me to embrace joy, for myself and others. I have a lot to be inspired from in the service, and especially Todd's sermon, was very challenging to me. It's one thing to have your own joy and feel joy because of God's presence. It's another thing to assure another person of this joy...to assure them that God is with them...even if they don't feel His comfort or feel joyful.

I hope that this Advent season, and beyond, I am able to reflect joy.

Day 346.

2009-12-13T20:35:00.002-06:00

My dear firstborn had her first real violin recital today. She had the spooky suzuki play-in back in October but they didn't actually play anything then, just hold the violin, do some singing, pluck, etc. So today, she played! And she played well, and she looked so old.

I am grateful for my little performer.

I had to hold back the tears as she looked so big up there. REALLY big. I was just so proud of her, and pretty amazed at how far the Suzuki school can take kids so painlessly in three months! Thanks Hyde Park Suzuki Institute!

Day 345.

2009-12-13T20:28:00.002-06:00

Friday, December 11, 2009.

TGIF. I love soups in Fall and Winter. So tonight was a soup night. There is just something about having a bowl of soup when it's cold outside...and soups are generally cheaper than other main dish options, so what's not to love?

I am grateful for Tangy Carrot Soup.

Tangy Carrot Soup comes from Simply in Season, a cookbook I use a ton, and one I've mentioned here before. I just love cooking seasonally, and cooking simply. So what's not to love about this cookbook? This one I even got to use my delicious grass fed beef in, so there was another bonus. This tasted like an updated version of vegetable beef soup. But better, cause I actually don't really like vegetable beef soup. And this was good. All in all, a winner.

Day 344.

2009-12-10T19:35:00.002-06:00

Today I had big plans, things to do, people to see. Field Museum, DSW shoe return/exchange, haircut for Noah, get new tires installed on my car. And I scrapped them all.

I am grateful for videos, snacks, crafts, books and cuddles.

This is what our day was. We played, we snacked, we read books, we cuddled, we watched some videos (well, THEY watched a Scholastic DVD from the library while I threw in some laundry and caught up on some random projects). It was a good simple day, and I had a nice fresh perspective. Dylan had a really bad night last night where she was up crying for an hour and a half from 10:15-11:45 - just woke up as I was going to bed. It was really frustrating, and even my patient self (don't all laugh at once) couldn't listen to crying for that long from a 4.5 year old. It just was irrational and she couldn't stop herself and I tried everything and AHHHHH! I was seriously going insane. So, today, with a little bit of sleep (not enough) under my belt I vowed to make it up to her. At one point last night she sobbed, "I just don't want you to be angry with me!" Heart sinking now...

Oh Dylan, how can I be MAD at you because your nose is bothering you and you can't stop thinking about it? How can you really help yourself? I'm sorry I lost my patience. I'm sorry I was frustrated. I'm sorry I wasn't nice after about an hour of this back and forth. I was just really tired. And I hope our fun and cuddles together today made up for it...at least a little.

Day 343.

2009-12-09T20:38:00.002-06:00

I'm sitting here on my computer, just put the kids down to bed and got the dishes done. Glass of 3 buck chuck shiraz. And what am I listening to? A delightful melody of holiday tunes, thanks to my favorite online music source.

I am grateful for Pandora.

I listen to Pandora throughout the year, but didn't think about it until today in regards to holiday music. I typed in my favorite Christmas song, "Breath of Heaven (Mary's Song)" by Amy Grant, and sure enough, it recognized it as holiday and made me a lovely holiday station full of mellow holiday hits! Yay! I'm grooving to

Day 342.

2009-12-08T20:26:00.002-06:00

When I was growing up I used to have favorite words. I would have words that I just really liked the sound of. They sounded good, they felt good rolling off your tongue. They were good words.

Somehow, that must have been genetically passed along to Dylan, because she has come up with the idea of favorite words all on her own. I had even forgotten that I used to do the same thing until she kept repeating these same words for days and I was thinking, "Those are cool words. I like them too. Whoa...I used to do this too." Kind of funny.

I am grateful for favorite words.

What are Dylan's favorite words you ask?
Frank and Damage (say them now...and I dare you to admit they aren't fun to say)

What were some of my favorite words as a kid?
The only three I can remember: Trenchcoat, Pancake and Barricade.

Day 341.

2009-12-07T20:18:00.002-06:00

Family. Is there anything more refreshing and easy as being around my family? I cannot wait for our family Christmas get-together coming up in 2 weeks - and so today, having my parents come up for a day of Christmas shopping, was a great foretaste of fun.

I am grateful for family time at Christmas.

I guess I'm counting Christmas-time as now, because it just felt festive and fun and we were Christmas shopping afterall. It was so great to have a day where my parents and I took the kids shopping and I didn't have to brave a mall or any store alone! It was three adults to two kids, and believe me, we felt outnumbered! But the kids really did great, considering we were at the mall for SIX hours. Seriously? How did that even happen? All I know is that I'm exhausted, and while it's a good kind of exhausted, I was definitely hitting the couch with a glass of wine minutes after we walked inside. Ahhh....

Yesterday during Sunday School, Janie prompted us to think about how we in the class were able to find peace in Advent, amongst a busy holiday season. My answer came to me quite easily. For me, I'm just trying to do less. Less parties. Less playdates Less on my to-do list and more family time. I find if I do less, I feel more. I feel like I have more energy for the important things like loving and playing with my children. More time for making playdough and snickerdoodle cookies. And more time for Christmas cards (which I don't find stressful and actually find fun to address, stamp and get off in the mail). So, cheers to less! Less is more during the holidays for me this year, and may less busyness mean more time to recognize my many blessings.

Day 340.

2009-12-06T19:13:00.002-06:00

I was invited to join the church choir for today's performance. I've been in it before, but not since pre-Dylan. So wow, it's been almost five years! I don't consciously think about missing it, I just know I had a good time when I would sing. But I got a taste of choir membership again today. So fun!

I am grateful for choral music.

It's so rewarding being a part of a choir, making beautiful music together. There is something so communal about it that I have really missed the past few years. Now that I think about it, these last five years have really been the only time I haven't been in choir my whole life!

So, I'm glad I got a taste of it again today...someday I'll have the time to do it again, when my kids can take care of themselves! Thanks LMC choir for letting me (and Jason!) join you today.

Day 339.

2009-12-06T19:08:00.002-06:00

Saturday, December 5, 2009.

I am grateful for Breakfast with Santa.

I remember doing this as a kid every year, and it beats standing in line at a mall to see Santa! So, when I found out that a local catholic school was doing this, we had to get in on the fun. And it was fun! I especially appreciated the low keyness of the event. Well, that is everything except the fact that they were using a microphone to have Santa ask the kids what they wanted for Christmas and shoving the microphone in their face to have them answer. What is that about? What happened to the intimate moment between Santa and child?

But it was fun, and I'm glad the four of us could go together. It was a nice morning and even though Dylan didn't tell Santa what she wanted (she went on with this whole story about her camera but never did tell Santa what she actually wanted this year) and Noah was too scared to come near Santa, let alone sit on his lap...it was still their favorite part of the day.

Day 338.

2009-12-04T23:05:00.004-06:00

It's fun to have a four year old, almost five year old. You can do things with an almost five year old that aren't so easy with a younger kid. Like ice skating, for example. (I guess you could do that with a younger kid, but we didn't...)

I am grateful for Mommy and Dylan time.

Jason took Noah to a Kenwood Broncos basketball game, so Dylan and I had to figure out something to do together that was equally special. I came up with ice skating, and she was beyond pumped. She could barely wait all day long until 4:30! Mind you, we did not have a car since Jason was taking it with Noah to the game. So, we walked to the bus stop, took the bus several blocks, then got off the bus and walked four or five more blocks. Not too far really (about 10 minutes of walking), but it was COLD! It felt like winter finally came today, and the temperatures were in the 20's. We had on layers, gloves, hats and scarves, and we were still cold.

But we made it, had a blast and she did not want to leave. While I was busy worrying about hypothermia (really, my toes were BURNING), she was busy not giving up. I guess I can thank DragonTales for something. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again!" (You have no idea how often I hear that from my children.) Give up she did not. There was only one point where she crossed her arms and looked frustrated. The rest of the time, she was all smiles and stamina, even through the 100+ falls she took on the ice. That one little moment of frustration, unfortunately, was the ONLY thing I got on my crappy cell phone video camera. I thought I was taking this beautiful sequence of her skating, but apparently I don't know how to use this piece of technology. So, instead I got this.

It doesn't reflect any of the wonderful outing except that one negative SECOND. Oh well, I guess we have to go again soon, and it will suit her just fine.

Now for some trivia. In one hour of skating we made it around the rink how many times? Any guesses?

FIVE.

Day 337.

2009-12-03T22:43:00.003-06:00

Made a new dish out of Extending the Table tonight, a South African Meatloaf. Very interesting to have a curry flavor to meatloaf, but we liked it! Curry makes almost everything better, if you ask me. And since I'm not really a meatloaf fan, it's actually the first time I've ever made meatloaf in my life. It all was made totally better because of one other important factor.

I am grateful for grass-fed Iowa beef.

Thanks, Steven, for the delicious and better-for-us beef that you sold us. And seriously, the price was about 1/5 of what I would pay for a pound of grass-fed beef in the stores here in Chitown. Pretty awesome stuff. So, while I made room in my freezer for 20 lbs. of ground beef this past weekend and thought...who wants that much beef?!...I am so giddy about the good taste, low fat and happy cows that we are eating.

Day 336.

2009-12-02T20:31:00.002-06:00

Noah might be giving up his nap (no nap 3-4 times in the past week). Rewind about a year and a half ago to when Dylan started giving up her nap, and you'll find an over-agitated Hilary, constantly thinking about sleep and determined to get that nap in. I was not afraid to threaten, bribe or beg. Seriously, I thought it was the end of the world if she did not take a nap.

Ok, go back to the present time. Noah gives up his nap? Who. Cares.

Is that really how different it is with the second kid? Am I that much more relaxed?

Definitely a little more relaxed, but more, I think it has to do with the fact that we will have so much more time in the day for fun if he doesn't nap. As it is now, Dylan and I have two hours - make that three hours - by the time we read books, get him down, allow for cuddle wakeup time (which I will miss) etc.). It takes up most of our afternoon, and by the time lunch is over and we've had our nap/quiet time, it's basically time for me to start cooking dinner!

I am grateful for my chillness about naps.

So he takes a nap, so he doesn't. Newsflash: it's just not that big of deal. I won't stop trying, but I also won't start losing sleep over it. I promise this time around not to bribe or whine or beg. I promise that I won't waste my whole afternoon laying down with him just so he'll close his eyes. I promise I won't get angry when he cutely smiles up at me from his crib, puts his hands out and with full drama says, "I just can't sleep!" I promise I won't even get frustrated that he's singing Old MacDonald instead of at least TRYING to sleep. Let's let this one go, and just enjoy having no kids who have to take naps. It only means longer trips to the zoo and more fun in the afternoons! 2:00 playdate anyone?

Day 335.

2009-12-01T22:59:00.004-06:00

Growing up, every late November in the Breeze household included a Christmas card photo shoot. Take a trip to my parent's basement and you'll see 22 years of Christmas photo shoots on display that were then made into cards for the yearly family card send-out. It's pretty cool to see them all there.

So, I thought...how hard can THAT be? I remember fondly the bribery of Reese's Pieces for every good picture taken. So, with my candy in tow, I took on the task today at home. Let me just say thank you to my aunt Jeanie was here to be my assistant. I could not have done it (gotten through it without stabbing myself) without you.

How did my parents get 22 years of good pictures?!?! Every click of my camera was another example of how little control I have over my children.

I am grateful for the Christmas photo shoot to be a success.

I didn't come away with a phenomenal picture, but I did get enough decency to go with it. I'm trying to give up on some of my perfectionism when it comes to projects like this. Afterall, those we send this to will never know how much work went into it. I'm letting go.

Here are a few outtakes for fun. Really, this is where I had difficulty choosing just four! Earlier today I looked through all 120 pictures searching desperately for one to use for a card, but outtakes...I have plenty!

looking down instead of up...

overdoing the joy...

a little too much hugging...

we've lost one folks...

Day 334.

2009-11-30T20:53:00.002-06:00

It's easy to get caught up in everyday violin practicing and have a hard time seeing any progress being made. Really. Hard.

But then I took some video of her (to show her that she was moving her elbow!). I was just uploading everything this evening to my computer when it hit me - she really has come a long way. In only two months she's learned to play the violin! Two months ago she didn't even know which hand was her violin hand and which hand was her bow hand. Now she knows that better than her right and left.

I am grateful for progress.

Sometimes you need a little low quality video to give you a good reality check.

Lyrics:
Do you want a pickle, on your ice cream sandwich?
Yes I want a pickle, on my ice cream sandwich!

Day 333.

2009-11-29T21:13:00.002-06:00

I want to be ready for the Christmas season. I want to listen to Christmas music, decorate our house, sing advent songs at church. But something is keeping me from feeling ready. Maybe it's that the fall is flying by. We never even made it to an apple orchard to pick this year, something I'm still regretting. It just seemed to pass by with me hanging on for dear life. And so I feel like I'm still celebrating Halloween when actually I need to be getting out the manger scenes!

I am grateful for "Avent."

Dylan can't seem to get the "d" in Advent. She knows it's there, but it's just one of those words for her. Like "Perftect." Or "Alother."

It was officially the first day of Advent, and from church to decorating at home, listening to about five hours of Comcast Holiday Radio (it's actually pretty good!), I am so ready for this Christmas season to be here. Yay for the holidays! I guess I'm just realizing how fast time flies when you're an adult. I used to feel like the Christmas countdown took FOREVER, and no I'm thinking, "WHAT? We only have three weeks until Christmas?!?!" So, I'm trying to get some perspective. Not wanting it to rush, not wanting it to go slow...just wanting to enjoy it all. Breathe in. Breathe out. And be in the present. The present that is Advent.

Day 332.

2009-11-28T07:46:00.002-06:00

The way TO Iowa on Wednesday night was long. We left at 3:15pm and did not arrive in Kalona until 9:20pm. Just over 6 hours. We did stop for a 45 minute dinner, but really - it should not have taken over five hours. Chalk it up to Thanksgiving traffic and rain I guess.

I am grateful for a short ride home from Iowa.

Today we left at 2:45 and got home at 6:30! 3 hours and 45 minutes for the math challenged. Granted, we did have about a 30 minute head start as we hit up the Hawkeyes basketball game on our way to I-80. But still.

I think I've decided 4 hours is a magic number when it comes to traveling with kids. At 4 hours they lose their minds and think it's cool to cry, whine and ask for things they don't normally get. We just squeaked by this time and they actually wanted to stay IN the car to finish Mary Poppins! Score.

Day 331.

2009-11-28T07:32:00.005-06:00

Friday, November 27, 2009.

I am grateful for visits to cousinland.

I remember fond vacations to Las Vegas that revolved around family. That might sound bizarre, unless you know that my mom's two brothers and their kids live in Las Vegas. It has always been a wonderful destination, as it is warm, sunny and the strip is always lively.

Now, my kids have two equally exciting destinations to go and visit their cousins - sunny, mountainous Colorado and the farm-tastic land of Iowa. This Thanksgiving we have been enjoying the farmland, and today the kids even participated in some of the farm fun.

On any property with mature trees, leave pickup is always abundant, so here on grandpa and grandma's farm is no exception. Auntie Mo-Mo got out the tractor and the wagon and the kids climbed in. They rode around the yard to the different piles of previously raked leaves and would get out, eagerly pile the leaves into the wagon and then jump back on top of them to go dump on the burn pile. Then we'd go to the burn pile, throw them out the side of the wagon, and do it all over again.

They were hard workers and even though it was cold, they were so into their work, they never complained. They loved the tractor rides and they got to jump in the leaves whenever they needed a cleanup break. What fun you can have on the farm - and what a world of difference from the city!

Day 330.

2009-11-26T17:41:00.002-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving 2009. What an incredible holiday that now, after this year of gratitude, I have a new appreciation for. But what is the difference between being grateful and being thankful?

I am grateful for gratefulness over thankfulness.

Thankfulness is important too. It's a good think to be thankful for what you have, to thank those who do something for you or give something to you. You are thankful, or say "thank you." But I think gratefulness is not something you even make a conscious decision about. I don't decide if I'm grateful or not - I just am. I might need to recognize it and may voice it with a "thank you." But to me, it doesn't seem to be a choice but a feeling. I guess you can be grateful and thankful for the same things, but one is felt in the heart, while the other is more expressed with your words.

So, today on Thanksgiving - what am I grateful/thankful for?

- A warm, inviting home to be invited to (thanks Mo!)
- A wonderful family of in-laws who I feel perfectly at home with
- A delicious spread of food, complete with all my favorites (cornbread stuffing, cranberry relish and gravy!)
- Gluten-free, dairy-free food, and family that is willing to make it for me
- Two beautiful children that drove me wild last night when I tried to put them to sleep (they wouldn't settle down until 11:00)...but I still love you both and yes Dylan, I'll always come back to you
- My Breeze family in Champaign and Colorado - I miss you dearly today and have so many fond memories of Thanksgivings past

Day 329.

2009-11-26T17:27:00.002-06:00

Wednesday, November 25, 2009.

13 years ago today my grandpa Joe passed away. And 13 years ago today I lost an incredible mentor, a dear friend, and a second father. He was a man of great integrity, and someone I desperately wish my family could have met. I think the worst part of losing him so early is that he didn't get to see me as an adult. He didn't get to see me in college, graduate or do Americorps. He wasn't at my wedding, and my husband has not met him. But most sad of all for me is that my children will never know him.

I am grateful for Grandpa Joe.

Grandpa was kind, gentle, but firm, and they would have snuggled up in his lap and loved listening to his stories. They would have loved playing games with him. They would have loved going out to his workshop in the garage with him. They would have loved feeling special with him. That was one of his greatest gifts - he would single you out and make you feel incredibly special at certain times. You deeply felt his dedication to you in that moment when nothing else was as important to him.

Grandpa Joe, I know we'll see you again in heaven, and I take comfort knowing that Dylan, Noah and Jason will meet you there. In the meantime, each day of my life is a part of your legacy - I hope I am doing you proud.

Day 328.

2009-11-26T17:10:00.002-06:00

Tuesday, November 24, 2009.

I am grateful for confident prayer.

I often don't know how to pray or what to pray for exactly. All I know is that when I do pray, in whatever form, I feel a sense of peace. So, while I sometimes fumble through my prayers, I still go back to them, because I know they are crucial to my relationship with God.

I have been feeling a huge weight on my shoulders to decide about kindergarten. Nevermind that Dylan just started preschool two months ago. In Chicago, you think about kindergarten now, or you have no options come next fall. So today as I showered and prepared for a school interview, I prayed. I prayed for peace, for direction, for an open mind. I prayed for help on this journey, so I didn't feel like I was going it alone.

I can whole-heartedly say a huge weight has been lifted off my chest. No, I don't know for sure what we're doing about school next year, but that's OK. I no longer feel like I have to figure it out right now. I have time, and I have help along the way, and I'm not worried about tomorrow anymore.

Day 327.

2009-11-26T11:41:00.005-06:00

Monday, November 23, 2009.

This is the week of gratitude throughout the nation. It's funny to hear and read everyone focusing on thankfulness and gratitude all of a sudden when I feel like I've been in this gratitude mode for eleven months. It feels like a secret I've been keeping that has now gone public.

I recently was asked to write an article in my church newsletter on gratitude, related to my blog, and just in time for this holiday of thankfulness.

I am grateful for public outlets to share my thoughts on gratitude.

I'll post the article here to share (although I'm not sure if it's technically been published yet!).

Being Accountable for Gratitude

I have never been very good at spiritual disciplines. I do about two weeks of a devotional book before I fall off the cart. I buy a new Bible thinking it will inspire me to set aside a daily time to read…then I fall short of my expectations. I have always longed to grow closer to God through these disciplines…I just could never implement them.

On January 1st, 2009, One Mom’s Year of Gratitude was born. I committed myself to gratitude for the whole year, and I embarked on my journey. It started without a lot of thought and to be honest, it had nothing to do with spiritual discipline. I wasn’t really sure why I did it. At the time I think it had more to do about parenting, trying to stay in the present and not worrying about tomorrow. But now that only about 40 days of gratitude are left in 2009, I am in awe of what this blog has become, both for me, and others.

This past year at church has been really hard for me. Being on the Ministry Team in a time of such conflict and decision-making has pushed me way beyond my comfort zone. But I also have seen this year as one of deep growth. I have spent the year focusing on gratitude when there were many days I felt like I had nothing to be grateful for. The ritual of sitting at my computer every single night and having to find something to blog about every single night has been transformative.

With my blog, I knew people were checking it (even if it was only my mom and sister the first month!) I knew I had made a public commitment to gratitude, and I did not want to fail. I guess that’s the kind of spiritual discipline I need – one that holds you accountable and walks alongside you.

What have I learned from focusing this year on gratitude? I could write much more than I have room for here. But I think if I sum up what I have learned with one word it has to be about “grace.” To have daily gratitude you have to understand grace. Grace given to you by a postal employee, your own children, and even yourself. Grace coming from God, but manifested in other people…even myself.

2 Corinthians 4:15: “It is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.”

Day 326.

2009-11-22T22:27:00.002-06:00

It gets dark SO. EARLY. I hate daylight savings time. Every day when Noah wakes up from his nap, I want to take the kids outside. It's the perfect time to get out and get some fresh air and exercise. Except, it's DARK.

I am grateful for our bike ride in the dark.

Daylight savings time - you won't get me down. Noah woke up at 4:30 and I was determined to still get some outdoor fun in. We have streetlights, no? So, we all put on our vests (LOVE that we're not wearing coats the week of Thanksgiving!) and went outside. What a peaceful night in the city. 50 degrees out, sun just set, lots of people out on a Sunday evening. The kids rode their bikes around the block and Jason and I strolled. I love these simple moments. This is when I want time to stand still and I'd rather be nowhere else on earth. We gotta do that again.

Day 325.

2009-11-22T22:19:00.002-06:00

Saturday, November 21, 2009.

A beautiful fall day today, and a great day for a holiday sale. The fam went out to Wheaton this afternoon to shop and support the Ten Thousand Villages annual international craft and rug sale. It always amazes me to see what a well-run machine this sale is!

I am grateful for Ten Thousand Villages.

This is the mission of Ten Thousand Villages, taken from their website:

"Ten Thousand Villages provides vital, fair income to Third World people by marketing their handicrafts and telling their stories in North America. Ten Thousand Villages works with artisans who would otherwise be unemployed or underemployed. This income helps pay for food, education, health care and housing."

How can you not get behind an organization like that? I am so happy our church supports this company and has this amazing sale every year. I only wish I lived closer so I could help out more regularly at the store. Did I mention that the store runs on volunteers?

I remember volunteering at the store in Champaign growing up as a kid. My family would always volunteer there around Christmastime as a family and it was a real highlight. I especially loved bagging things and using the cash register. :)

Day 324.

2009-11-20T19:59:00.002-06:00

Once again in my quest to be the perfect mom (not really my quest...just making fun of myself a little here), I'm going to contradict something I posted about a few days ago. I was giving myself a hard time, in a round-about way, for thinking too much about cleaning, cooking and other things I end up filling my time with besides "mommying." I think I need to explain.

Yesterday we spent a great day with friends (as mentioned in my post from that day), and there was a big lightbulb that happened for me in my conversation with the other mom. I think I was mentioning my guilt over turning them down for play and getting things done. She remarked, "I never play with my kids." Now when she says that, it does NOT mean she's not spending time with her kids - quite the contrary. She's a fabulous homeschooling mama with kids who are very secure and adore her...so it's not like she hasn't bonded with her kids...far from it. That's what was so great about it. I thought about it more after they left, and thought, gosh, did my parents really "play" with us like I feel guilt for not doing enough of? I remember them reading to us, playing games with us and just being with us a lot, but not this stuff. The kind of play my kids want me to engage in on an hourly basis is hard core pretend play with a lot of imagination and creativity...and to be honest, I just end up feeling old and boring when I do this. Give me a book to read, a game to play or a craft to do anytime and I am THERE.

So, I am cutting myself some slack. I'm not a bad mom when I cook and clean or tell them to "go play." In fact, I think I'm a better mom because of it.

I am grateful for letting go of guilt.

I'm letting go of guilt that I feel when I don't spend hours of my day pretending with them. Yes, I'll still do it with them because they love it and I love them and it makes them happy. But, it's also cool when I ignore them and they end up playing beautifully and creatively together. I'm OK with not being the fun mom all the time...that's not my purpose.

I also think I realized where this guilt comes from. I spent most of my 11-18 year old life babysitting. I was obsessed with babysitting. I loved kids. I loved the responsibility. I loved the money I got. I loved being the fun babysitter that brought over a "kid kit" (any Babysitter's Club fans out there?) and made up cool obstacle courses. I loved being in demand and people booking me months in advance for New Years Eve. I was the fun babysitter. And so when I eventually had my own kids (only about 8 years after that 7 year run was over)...I couldn't separate fun babysitter from mom. I molded that into one entity and tried to be a mom who played with their kids all the time.

So, it's not a terrible thing to try to be fun and entertaining, but what ends up happening is when I actually do have stuff to do, I carry that guilt - did I play with them enough today?

I'm over it...for today at least (I'll go back and read this post tomorrow).

Day 323.

2009-11-19T21:24:00.003-06:00

I am grateful for shared laughter with my kids.

Today was a great day. Great friends, great fellowship, great food. I loved this rainy day at home. I have to say my day is always good when I have an opportunity to laugh with my children. Something about letting loose and laughing together brings us so much closer together. I guess that's true with anyone.

Here's an exchange from dinnertime that made me laugh:

Me: We don't have any more milk because we drank it all for lunch. We'll have water for dinner.
Noah: Why don't we have any more milk?
Me: We shared it with our friends who were over for lunch. It's good to share things with our friends. It's good to share what we have with everyone.
Dylan: Why?
Me: It's the right thing to do. A long time ago when Jesus lived in our world, he helped other people get what they needed.
Dylan: Was he the President one time?
Me (holding back giggles): No, Jesus wasn't the President.
Noah: Santa was the President.

I couldn't hold back the laughter at that point. Seriously, you can't make that stuff up!

Note: I don't make a lesson out of everything we talk about, honestly. But when I do, it always seems to backfire.

Day 322.

2009-11-18T20:52:00.002-06:00

Nothing cures a rainy day like homemade playdough. Thanks, Lara, for the great recipe. It's softer than store bought playdough, which for little kids is great and easier to mush around. Now we just have to make more!

I am grateful for playdough.

½ c. salt
1 c. flour
1 T. canola oil
1 T. alum (find in spice aisle of grocery store)
1 c. boiling water
food coloring

Boil the water and stir food coloring in water. Add colored boiling water to the rest of the ingredients. Stir to combine. Keep airtight in the refrigerator and it lasts for months.

Enjoy!

Day 321.

2009-11-18T20:18:00.002-06:00

Tuesday, November 17, 2009.

Violin is going well. Dylan loves it, I love that she loves it. And we have some great bonding moments practicing together. Tuesday is group class which is my favorite thing about Suzuki. Group class brings it all together, gives the learning a fun twist, and gives us parents more ideas to use at home in our practice sessions. But what I really will miss is the parent class that we've been having the last 10 weeks...and tonight was the last one.

I am grateful for the Suzuki parent class.

It seemed ridiculous when we first signed up. After all, I know how to play the violin so why would I need a parent class? Turns out, it had nothing to do with me knowing or not knowing how to play the violin. Instead it had everything to do with learning how to practice with your child and how to implement and believe in the Suzuki philosophy. I left this last class tonight a little sad. This class has been the perfect setting for all of our questions and the class has really been helpful in my focus. It has made these violin lessons so much more than they would have been if I just showed up to her lesson each week with no framework.

Day 320.

2009-11-18T20:09:00.002-06:00

Monday, November 16, 2009.

I think as a stay-at-home mom life sometimes get confusing. I am busy doing life...doing dishes, doing the laundry, doing the cleaning, doing the insurance calls, doing the appointment scheduling, doing the drive to preschool. And I forget what my real job title is.

I am grateful to realize my present purpose.

My job description right now does include those things mentioned earlier. But it's not my title. I'm not stay-at-home cleaning lady. Or stay-at-home cook. I'm a stay-at-home MOM. So, I need to stop freaking out about the other things when what I'd really rather do is play with my kids.

Day 319.

2009-11-18T19:50:00.002-06:00

Sunday, November 15, 2009.

Today was a long day at church full of meetings and work from an outside facilitator to help in our recent church conflict. It was long, but it wasn't draining. In fact, it was, in a strange way, uplifting. It felt like a huge relief and what happened in those meetings allowed me to reclaim part of myself again.

I am grateful for integrity.

I have always considered myself a person of integrity and an honest person to the core. I haven't had many moments where I felt that was challenged, until this year. In my leadership role at church this year, I felt like my integrity had been unfairly ripped out from under me and I was left with no foundation. That feeling was awful and it wasn't any one person or thing that made me feel like that. It happened slowly...gradually erupting into a complete mess that had me feeling ashamed...and confused why I felt that way.

So, it's a pretty huge step when I feel like some light was shed on things to make a whole picture - to the point where I can now reclaim my integrity. I guess it was never lost...just hidden.

Day 318.

2009-11-18T19:39:00.002-06:00

Saturday, November 14, 2009.

It was an amazing day and it will be hard to pick just one thing to be grateful for today. It was a day full of friends and family, love and joy. Really, I feel so blessed.

I am grateful for love.

1 Corinthians 13:13. "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." There's a reason that love trumps everything.

Jason and I celebrated a wonderful wedding of two dear friends and it was pure joy to be a part of the evening. We danced our hearts out, ate incredible food, wore nice outfits, held hands. But most importantly, we saw incredible love start a marriage and I felt that commitment all over again with my own husband. A beautiful thing.

Day 317.

2009-11-16T16:58:00.004-06:00

Friday, November 13, 2009.

Today we started a whirlwind weekend of fun, celebrating two very dear friends getting married. My parents arrived in town last night for a work event my dad had downtown. And so today, we spent the day together. It was wonderful, and again reminded me why we need to live closer to them.

Part of our morning involved visiting a school option for Dylan for next year and my mom went with us. It was great to have her perspective and another person looking out for red flags (or lack thereof).

I am grateful for a positive school option.

I don't know if Dylan will go there next year...I hope so because I loved it. But the money is a big deal breaker. We'll hope that someone doing the financial aid takes pity on us and decides we need a big break.

I have no energy to go into why I liked it so much, but I remember looking at my mom and us just being like...Whoa...this is good. And I commented afterward - I kind of wish we wouldn't have gone there because now I can't see her going anywhere else. Here's hoping for acceptance and financial aid!

Day 316.

2009-11-12T20:37:00.002-06:00

Have you seen Mad Men? If not, go directly to your Netflix Queue and move it to the top. Now.

This show is my new favorite, and I am just amazed how good it actually is. Afterall - it's on AMC. Apparently that is the new place for well-done TV shows. It's so cool to see what it was like in the early 60's (well, it is a TV show, not real life but sometimes I forget!). I often think of my mom and dad, growing up during this time period and it's so hard for me to believe - things have changed so much since then and simple things folks used to do, like drinking during pregnancy, are so taboo now! I also think - wow - will my kids see a show made about growing up in the 80's or 90's and think that what we did was so crazy and ancient? Strange to think about.

I am grateful for Mad Men.

That's all I can say right now, cause we have the season finale to watch - so I have to stop blogging and start watching. Yay!

Day 315.

2009-11-11T17:41:00.003-06:00

Wow, I really only have 50 days of gratitude left. Seriously, 50 DAYS?! That seems hard to believe considering that means I've been doing it for 315 days. Yeah, I know that I type that in every day - Day ____. But really stoping to think about it - that I've been grateful for 315 things - is pretty amazing.

I am grateful for my readers.

I haven't wanted to quit ever, but I have gotten in a few valleys - mostly times when I leave two or three or six days without posting and have to sit and do them all at once...that sucked. But, I'm back on track and plan to finish strong. Who do I have to thank?

You my dear readers. Yes, I did this for myself, but you have kept me going. I still find it hard to believe that you all think I'm interesting enough to keep reading on a daily basis...you know, more than my husband, sister and mother.

Day 314.

2009-11-11T17:29:00.002-06:00

Tuesday, November 10, 2009.

I vaguely remember my high school and college days when money was a little more abstract, and going to the mall was the best way to pass my time. I wasn't buying designer jeans, just enjoyed perusing Old Navy, so while my purchases were cheap, they were plentiful. Fast forward to today, and the only shopping I do these days is in three categories:

1. for my children - they are the way I make a fashion statement - and lately that means hand me downs and whatever is on the $4.00 table at Target.
2. for gifts - Christmas or birthday or wedding shopping is still VERY fun for me.
3. for myself on impulse, usually less than $20 and with a huge mega-dose of guilt on the side.

So, to shop (mostly) guilt-free for myself is divine. I occasionally long to be the cute, hip mom in skinny jeans and tall boots with dangly earrings and a fun top. Usually I am the mom in the 5-year old Old Navy sweater that has shrunk because I've dried it out of laziness too many times, paired with designer jeans (because that's the only thing I do spend time and money on these days related to fashion).

I am grateful for shopping!!

My aunt Jeanie here to help with the kids, I stole away for 2 hours and rushed downtown. I hit five stores in an hour and a half and tried on about 30 things. I walked out of there with a complete outfit: skinny jeans, fun dressy top, dangly earings, cute bracelet. Now all I need are the boots, and I'm hoping to secure those tomorrow.

So, my credit card bill will be moaning for awhile...but me...for now (until I read the credit card bill) I'll be stylin'.

Note: for those of you that are reading this and might see me in this new outfit this weekend, please be kind...I'm making it sound like it's transformative or something...it's just an outfit. So, lower your expectations now.

Day 313.

2009-11-10T07:19:00.004-06:00

Monday, November 9, 2009.

I am grateful for the Secret Clubhouse.

Dylan has been wanting her own Secret Clubhouse for several months now. She wanted to build one - with wood. Yeah...not so much happening in our condo or in our shared urban backyard. So, I convinced her that a big huge cardboard box would suffice. I told her we could still paint it and she could decorate it however she wanted. I called an appliance store and asked for them to save me a huge box, and we went and picked it up! So easy!

Here is our beautiful creation. It's only partially done (we were going to paint the roof, make curtains, put a door knob on, paint shutters...), but I have a feeling this is maybe how it will stay. Just because it's functional, they play in it all the time, and so any further aesthetic is probably for my benefit only. It's hard to get motivated to finish something that is functioning, well, perfectly.

Day 312.

2009-11-08T20:00:00.006-06:00

I've mentioned my tendencies to worry incessantly on this blog. Mostly about my kids, but often about, well, anything. It's who I am.

Enter the best book I've ever read. Ok, so I say that about a lot of things. My husband makes fun of me because I'm always speaking in superlatives. "This is the best sushi I've ever eaten!" or "That was the best movie I've ever seen!" or "This is the best thai restaurant we've ever been to!" I'm just a passionate person, what can I say? When I love something, I LOVE IT. (He should be thrilled right? Afterall, I LOVE him!) Anyways, it might not be THE BEST book I've ever read, but it's the most timely and might turn out to be the most important book I've ever read. As my friend Megan (who thankfully recommended the book to me) put it: In reading this book, "I feel like I've been hit over the head with a brick. In a good way."

That totally sums up this book for me too. I love it on so many levels, even though most of what she's saying is common sense. It reveals this common sense in a humorous, insightful way that makes you redefine how you parent. Yikes...not another book to help me redefine who I am as a parent!! But stick with me - it's not in an overwhelming "I have to say this and do that or my kid is going to be totally screwed up" kind of way. It's a "trust your kids, let your kids walk to school, throw out all your other parenting books and just RELAX" kind of way.

I am grateful for Free Range Kids.

Free Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry, by Lenore Skenazy.

This morning, as my kids watched Backyardigans, I read this book and drank tea (that's a good sign too, when I choose READING over internet time in the morning with my tea). I was in the chapter "Get Braver: Quit Trying to Control Everything. It Doesn't Work Anyway." And I just started tearing up. I was so grateful for what I was reading.

It's funny - Lenore isn't a parenting expert (in fact she's been criticized by many), but she's written one of the best parenting books I've ever read. She's a columnist and humorist, but because she let her 10 year old son ride the New York City Subway and got dubbed "America's Worst Mom" by the media, she wrote a book that gives me great hope. For less worry and for more living!

Day 311.

2009-11-07T19:34:00.002-06:00

I am grateful for some self time.

Thanks to Jason for encouraging me to go out and do something just for me today. It was so great to get out of our messy house for a few hours! I started my day at a Make Your Own Toys workshop which was incredibly fun. We learned wool felting techniques and I was shocked how much I loved it. It was extremely fun and I am really excited about the possibilities. I really want to try and make some more toys soon! Then I went to my fave Hyde Park lunch spot, Z & H Market Cafe for lunch - the ducky salad is DIVINE there. Yum. Then off to do a bit of shopping up on North Ave. I got Jason two shirt/tie options for an upcoming wedding. I bought a wedding gift at Crate and Barrel, and I just enjoyed being in a store by myself. :)

I do admit I was ready to hug my kiddos by the time I got home six hours later. But those six hours were very special. Thanks, Jason! Let's make this a habit.

Day 310.

2009-11-06T18:02:00.002-06:00

The kids and I ate at Panang on Chicago for lunch today, with a dear college friend, Allison. She was in Chicago for a few days helping to chaperone an art trip, so it was so fun to reconnect with her! The kids were great, letting us gab on for most of the time, inserting funny faces or comments here and there. Of course it helped that they were stuffing their faces with Pad Thai Tofu and loving every bite (oh yeah, and mangoes and sticky rice! my fave!).

I am grateful for an outside perspective.

Alison commented a couple of times when one kid did something cute or funny..."How do you just not smile at them all day long? I'm like constantly smiling!" It was so kind for her to say, and such a good reminder...that even though there are timeouts and tantrums and diarrhea and backtalk...there is so much to be thankful for. These two beautiful children give me daily joy, and while it is so stressful at times and all I'm doing is trying to find a way to escape...I always come back to their two faces staring back at me in love. How can I really get that mad?

Day 309.

2009-11-05T22:18:00.002-06:00

I did a workout video this morning: The 30 Day Shred. It's my favorite to do when I don't have more than 30 minutes to devote to exercising. Guess who joined me?

I am grateful that Dylan did the workout with me.

She lasted through the whole thing. I was amazed. She often starts the thing with me and moves onto something else by halfway through. Today she did it all, only taking a couple of breaks to lay on the couch for a few moments ("Phew! I'm tired!"). The last two minutes of hard cardio, we were doing jumping jacks, butt kicks, punches and jumping rope and we motivated each other. I just kept yelling, "You can do it! Keep going - we're almost there. It's almost time for the cool down! (she loves the cool down)" and she stayed up. It was awesome.

After the video Dylan said, "I'm sweaty from being shredded."

Day 308.

2009-11-04T19:42:00.002-06:00

We went to the park after preschool today, to have a picnic and play. It turned out to be quite the gorgeous day, weather-wise. It had said 40's and cloudy, but when we got to the park it was sunny and 50's. Beautiful. So, we basically didn't eat and played our hearts out - for about 20 minutes, when Dylan suddenly announced in the pirate ship that "I have to go poopies!"

I am grateful to have made it to the bathroom.

This feat is not to be taken lightly. We were in a very large park, and I panicked, not knowing where we would go to make this happen. Usually when Dylan finally accepts that she needs to go to the bathroom and tells me, we don't have much time. So, I threw everything in the stroller (including Noah - Dylan needed to walk to help "hold it") and we rushed to the park's bathroom - a good several hundred feet away. Well, we got there and LOCKED! Ugghhh. She would start walking faster and it would make her have to go more, so we had to find this balance of quick walking without going too fast to make her go right there in the middle of the park. In a split decision, I decided we'd take our chances with the Jewish Community Center, knowing it was locked, but hoping they would take pity on us (What would I say, I wondered - my daughter is going to poop her pants...PLEASE?!?!?!?). Lucky for us, they quickly buzzed us in and didn't even ask why we were there. We MADE IT! And we even got to sit there for 10 minutes (that's about how long the process takes with Dylan because you have to tell stories) in an immaculately clean bathroom, as opposed to a park district hell hole.

So for all those who think this is a ridiculous thing to be grateful for, you must have never cleaned up a 4 year old's poop-filled underpants...and you surely have never made them walk 5 blocks home in them.

Day 307.

2009-11-03T20:25:00.002-06:00

I know I've talked about this at some point this year, but I guess life has been so busy, when it slows down, you notice. This week, not much is going on. My mom was in town yesterday, but besides that, life is simple this week. Besides our normal routine of preschool, soccer and violin, we have nothing going on. It is divine.

I am grateful for a week at home.

We tooled around this morning, took a mid-morning bath and played until they requested to get out - no me pushing them to "play for 5 more minutes" so we can wash up and get out. I played with them and then I actually went through the bathroom cabinets to toss and organize what was in there. Stuff like that doesn't get done if you go on too many field trips or playdates! So, we reveled in our simpleness, went to the grocery store and hardware store on foot, and hung out this afternoon, playing people and stringing beads for Dylan and Mommy time. It felt good to live in our own lives, and not rush through it.

Day 306.

2009-11-03T07:11:00.002-06:00

Monday, November 2, 2009.

Had Dylan's first parent-teacher conference today. It's so funny to go and talk about your child with people that see her for several times a day without you there. I was so curious what they would say! Was she herself at school? (yes!) Was she shy? (no!) Was she making friends? (yes!)

I am grateful that Dylan is thriving in preschool.

I am also grateful for the great school that she is at - KAM has been a wonderful place for her so far, and I am so happy we are there. It is so focused on play, and has no "standards" to which the students should be at. It just knows that they are preschoolers, learning to interact with one another and have fun together and need to play, play, play! When I mentioned that Dylan had told me a story about her stepping on a classmate's hand on accident and how she was too shy to say "sorry," the teachers quickly assured me that was OK. They said, "Some kids can say sorry very easily and it's very hard for others. They say sorry with their eyes, and so we tell the other kids that they are sorry, and we move on." A good reminder for me too, when sometimes I feel the need for my kids to "say sorry like you mean it."

Day 305.

2009-11-01T19:44:00.002-06:00

Remember my Toy Story post not even a month ago? Remember the innocence I wanted to keep in my children - not pushing them to grow up too soon, especially because of media that I chose for them? Yeah...me too. NOW I do.

I checked out Pinocchio from the library and thought it was a good family movie night choice. From my memory of the movie, it was pretty tame. I took them to a children's theater production of Pinocchio a few years ago, and it wasn't scary. So, we sat down with popcorn, grapes, cheese and turkey roll-ups to enjoy it together this evening.

Then, I got this feeling I should check out commonsensemedia.org. I usually do (with fuller feature-length stuff, which they've hardly watched any of), and didn't know why I hadn't done it before for Pinocchio. Here's what I read:

"Some scenes and themes may be intense for younger or sensitive viewers, such as when Pinocchio is kidnapped and caged, threatened with destruction, can't find his father, and/or nearly drowns. They should also be aware that Pinocchio's friend Lampwick introduces him to cigar smoking, but is punished for it. Kids may be disturbed by Pleasure Island, where "bad boys" are turned into donkeys and sent to work in salt mines."

Ummm...yeah. Then I read parent reviews:

"this is the most inapropreate G movie i have ever scene!!!!!! and for these ressons: there is underage drinking and smoking, some vilonce and peril, and language like "jackass". I think they should have rated it PG-13. Or at least a PG because having it G rated with all that stuff in it is wrong!"

Ok, get over the fact that she can't spell inappropriate or reasons or violence. And it's just one parent (there were other negative reviews on there). But that was enough to make me frown. I passed the laptop to Jason to read, as Jiminy Cricket was finishing "When You Wish Upon a Star." We did some parent sign language and lip reading to agree this was not a good idea.

I am grateful for white lies.

I am not a fan of lying to my children. Most often, I would rather tell them the truth and have something difficult to explain than to lie to them. But I also felt like an idiot. I checked this movie out for them - they didn't pick it, and they didn't even care about watching it. I wanted to watch it with them, and Jason and I are always looking for fun things to watch with them for our occasional movie nights. I didn't feel like explaining why I didn't look at the reviews ahead of time or why it wasn't appropriate. I just felt like turning it off and watching Pooh...or something equally as harmless. These are our babies, and by golly, what is the rush to expose them to "jackass" and kidnapping. I don't feel like I'm sheltering them, but rather just not pushing them over the media cliff too soon.

So, Jason gave me the go ahead and I pushed stop. We both did a really bad job (but sufficient for this age bracket) of acting...and we easily convinced them the DVD wasn't working. They didn't care one bit, and we chose a Backyardigans episode that we all thoroughly enjoyed.

Day 304.

2009-11-01T19:33:00.002-06:00

Saturday, October 31, 2009.

Halloween on Harper Ave. in Hyde Park is a blast. We haven't gone over there in a few years (thought it might be too crazy/scary for the kids), but now that they are a little older, we braved it.

I am grateful for the Harper Ave. residents who put on quite the Halloween spectacle!

People that live on this street go through hundreds of dollars of candy each year (that's PER house). One person said her friend who lives there gave away over 2000 pieces last year. Wait, WHAT?!?! Two-thousand?! After being there at 4:30pm and seeing the madness (and know it continues and even gets busier up until 8pm), I believe it! No one there even goes inside - all the homeowners participating just sit on their front porch or steps and have HUGE pots or cauldrons full of candy. You have to wait in line to get to the front of the house. It's just one big traffic jam.

The kids had SO much fun, but it was funny how timid they were to go to the doors and say trick or treat. I finally gave up saying "Say Trick-or-Treat!"

Some of the fun of trick-or-treating is actually ringing the doorbell and waiting for someone to answer. And there is no time for homeowners to stop and admire anyone's costume - they are just working like machines to throw candy into pumpkins and get on to the next kid. So, some of that part is lost. But they make up for it with their elaborate decorations and even their own adult costumes. They go ALL OUT, and we hyde parkers appreciate it. It has to be pretty overwhelming to live on those two blocks for Halloween. I think you'd have to either participate or go out of town. Thanks Harper residents!

Day 303.

2009-10-30T20:23:00.003-05:00

Dylan today: "Mom, are you weared out or stressed out?"

Yikes. She's been asking me if I'm "weared/worn out" a lot lately - really - do I look that tired and frustrated? I have been pretty tired lately. I can't get myself to go to bed before 11:30 - and when Noah wakes up at 5:30-6am each day, that's not enough sleep for me.

But geesh, I hate that my daughter is watching every eye roll and listening to every sigh. I'm not that unhappy...I just may be coming across that way.

I am grateful for a child reality check.

It's hard to not act frustrated/worn out/stressed out when I feel that way. But maybe that's the problem. Besides extra sleep, I think I just need to chill out on most things. I don't need to FREAK OUT if I mess up a recipe. I don't need to FREAK OUT if they want to get another cup for water when they already have one. I don't need to FREAK OUT when someone spills the big tub of markers all over the floor. Ok, so that will be hard, but it is necessary. I need to practice my deep breathing and start smiling more and stressing less. Life's too short to stress about markers.

Day 302.

2009-10-29T17:45:00.002-05:00

I am grateful for kid interpretations.

It's always fun to talk about what daddy does at work all day. Or in my case, what I teach my Bradley Method students. This afternoon, Dylan just started telling me what I would teach my childbirth students tonight. Here is her list of things of teaching points:

1. The first thing you need to do is push the baby out.
2. The second thing is when your water breaks, you have to go to the apartment building to have your baby come out (where did she learn about water breaking?!?!)
3. The third thing is wash your hands every time before you touch the baby.
4. When you don't have a baby, then you lay around and watch TV all day (so that's what you all do who don't have kids!).
5. Take care of your baby lots and lots.
6. And the sixth thing for your baby is you have to milk them.

Childbirth and newborn parenting in a nutshell.

Day 301.

2009-10-29T07:45:00.002-05:00

Wednesday, October 29, 2009.

Jason has a lot on his plate right now. I hate to see him this busy and stressed because there isn't a lot that I can do to help. Make dinner for him, do his laundry...things that I already do. But I can't make his job easier or do his grad school research paper or reading for him.

I am grateful for Jason's hard work.

I know that I get selfish sometimes, because I'm not seeing what's going on at work and school for him. I only see what is happening with us at home, so I get impatient when he can't come home and relieve me from overwhelming days at home. I don't want his weekends to be filled with work, I want them for family time. And I don't want his evenings to be chocked full of grading papers, planning and reading for school. I want his time! I guess I miss the summer - when every weeknight we just sat together and watched shows, caught up on life and enjoyed each other's company. The school year (with grad school especially) is not like that. And I shouldn't expect it to be. THIS is life. We have to have money to live, so we must earn it somehow, and I'm so grateful he does that for us.

Thank you, Jason, for doing this amazingly hard and stressful work for us, your loving family. You make it possible for me to stay home and raise our children right now. We do want you home more, and we do get sad when you can't be as available as we want you to be. But, we will try and be more understanding. You have so much on your plate, and I don't want home to be another place you get stress. It should be your refuge, the place you look forward to no pressures. I am going to try and work harder to make that happen.

Day 300.

2009-10-28T22:17:00.002-05:00

Tuesday, October 27, 2009.

We went to the Garfield Park Conservatory today with good friends Christy, Caroline and Case. We spent a lot of time indoors enjoying the humid plant weather, but did venture outside for about 40 minutes of running around.

I am grateful for unstructured outdoor play.

It was amazing - the scenery was bleak - a huge circle path with brown grass, a patch of just planted trees, and that's about it. But the kids made their own fun. They just spontaneously started this whole elaborate story line - something about teachers and school and trees. They were running around together hand in hand all over the big grassy field and having a blast. It was cold, and I had under-dressed them (no sun as promised on weather.com), but they didn't even notice cause they were having so much fun. Christy and I were the ones who made everyone go in - we were freezing cause we weren't imagining (and running).

For this exactly, I want a big backyard. I want space for my kids to run around free and make up stories and feel uninhibited. I don't want to be the director of playtime all the time - I want them to be inspired by nature. I guess this happened today even without us having a big backyard - we just have to make more opportunities for going to these kind of places - where they can be free and RUN. There aren't a lot of places set up for kids in the city that are this open and free.

Day 299.

2009-10-27T20:00:00.002-05:00

Monday, October 26, 2009.

Today started like any other Monday morning. Dylan had preschool and Jason had the car, so we were walking. I carried the stroller outside and the kids climbed in. We went along our way...

Three blocks later a lady stops me (who is coming from the other direction) on the side of the road. She is calling out her rolled down window and I have to stop the stroller and move closer to hear what she is saying - she was saying something over and over again, so I knew it must be important.

I got about 4 feet from the car when I began to hear her.

This is her:
"I saw you come out of your building, and I saw that you didn't buckle your children in the stroller. I really think you should be buckling them in. It's not safe..."

And I stopped listening. Not only did I stop listening but you better believe I started talking (as she continued to explain herself). This is me:
"Are you KIDDING me that you are telling me this right now? Are you their mother? Wow." A big sarcastic thank you, a huge roll of the eyes and in disbelief I went back to my stroller muttering about her nerve. Was she stalking me and following me as I walked the three blocks from home?

Dylan and Noah didn't understand what had happened and why I was upset. They kept saying, "What did that woman say to you mommy? Why are you mad? She wasn't very nice to you, was she mommy?" They could tell I was on fire inside.

I mean COME ON. Criticize my cooking. Tell me I'm fat. But DON'T tell me I'm not a good mother. I couldn't stop muttering, "I cannot believe her!" and Dylan was obsessed with the whole situation. I finally wanted to just stop thinking about it, but Dylan wouldn't let up. I told her, "Dylan, I just want to forget about it. She wasn't nice and it's making me angry to think about it."

Well, my ever-sensitive daughter said, "Mommy, can I just tell you ONE thing?"
"Sure," I said.
"One part of what she said was nice," Dylan responded.
"What was that?" I asked.
"The part where she doesn't want us to get hurt or fall out, so she thought we should have on our belts," she replied.
"Yeah...you're right," I cracked a smile. And she was - completely 100% right.

I am grateful for "It takes a village."

I've always heard that expression and in theory agreed whole-heartedly with it - communities should take a vested interest in the raising of our children. As a philosophy, I love it and know it was how life used to be, and still is in many cultures. But, here in my urban-American environment where I am the gatekeeper for my child's well being, I do not want anyone questioning my decisions as a parent. So, it wasn't a huge decision to not buckle them in the stroller. It was just what we did. They are 2.5 and 4.5 - not babies. They have NEVER fallen out of the stroller. I'm strolling, not jogging. And they aren't wiggly in the stroller...ever.

So, was I justified in being ticked off that lady X made a judgement about my parenting decision? Well, maybe. But maybe it was also no big deal. Maybe she was just a nice lady who really did care about children and didn't want to see one get hurt for lack of good advice about stroller safety. Maybe she had a family member who was hurt in a stroller-related incident and just feels strongly about this particular issue.

Whatever the reason she stopped me, my overreaction was far more embarrassing than her attempt at conversation. What ever happened to "It takes a village to raise a child?" Should I be so righteous about my every parenting move that I have to get upset if someone questions my judgment on stroller safety?

After thinking about it for the morning, I talked to Dylan on the way home about it again. And I told her I thought I overreacted. I told her that the lady was just being nice, and just didn't want them to get hurt. I shouldn't have been upset about that.

Dylan said, "Mom, isn't that what I said this morning?"
Yep, sometimes it takes adults three hours to understand what a 4 year old does in 30 seconds.

Day 298.

2009-10-27T19:59:00.004-05:00

Sunday, October 25, 2009.

I am grateful to pay it forward (someday).

A wonderful older couple in our church took us out for Indian food today after church. We have been the beneficiaries of this relationship before, and it feels so incredible to have someone do that for you. You, the young couple without a lot of extra money to spend on the Indian buffet every Sunday.

I want to remember these acts of financial kindness that others give to me. Because I want to be that person someday too. When Jason and I have the money to take a young family out to dinner, I hope we do it. The young couple will really appreciate it, for the company, for the care it showed, and for their bellies full of Chicken Tikka Masala. Yum.

Day 297.

2009-10-27T19:59:00.003-05:00

Saturday, October 24, 2009.

I am grateful for Karen.

Karen is my mother-in-law and it was her birthday today. She spent some time at the Morton Arboretum with us for Trick or Trees and we helped her celebrate with date bars, some gardening presents Noah helped me pick out, and a smiley face balloon that Dylan picked out.

Thanks, Karen, for loving me like one of your own, opening your arms to me (even when you met me for the first time and I had an eyebrow ring, if you were questioning, you didn't show it!) and for accepting me completely.

You are an incredible grandmother to my two precious babes and they adore you. You get on the floor and play elaborate made-up stories with them and the fisher-price people and last much longer than I claim to. You make them large bowls of ice cream which they adore (and I try to ignore! :)) You buy them special books and extra underwear to have at your house since I always forget an extra pair. You are a wonderful person and a fabulous grandma. Thanks for being you!

Day 296.

2009-10-27T19:58:00.001-05:00

Friday, October 23, 2009.

Book club was tonight. What a fantastic group of women I have the privilege of calling my friends.

I am grateful for book club.

I didn't do well in my last book club. In that one, I felt like I wasn't smart enough to be a part of it, which really made me feel angry. I didn't work for NPR, I wasn't an urban planner, and I didn't live in the west loop in a loft. So, I wasn't very cool I guess. Oh yeah - and the first book club, it was decided that there would be no alcohol served during book clubs. I should have walked out the door then and there...not because I have to have a glass of wine to talk about books...but they didn't want the discussion "impaired" in any way. Yikes.

But THIS book club? This mom's book club? This is ABOUT the wine. It's about the good conversation, the relationships, and the literature. And oh yeah, we all love to read the books and love to discuss them, but if we don't discuss them, we live. And if you don't even read it...you're still welcome.

That's the kind of book club I like.

Day 295.

2009-10-22T21:06:00.003-05:00

Being gone at a birth yesterday all day, I didn't think about my kids much. I was focused on my job - to protect the space of the laboring couple - to be their right hand woman. It was an amazing experience that I will never forget. But when that baby came out and I remembered that moment in my own past, I wanted to hold my precious babes right then and there. I wanted to look into their eyes, pray for them, bless them, and revel in them.

I am grateful for my two births.

Today I replayed the birth from yesterday many times again in my head. They had given birth in the same tub as I had birthed Dylan. It was a really cool experience being back in that room again.

Dylan's birth was so fast and so perfect. The journey to motherhood seemed to catch me by surprise. I was two weeks early, and the midwife barely got there - I remember them sending in an OB to stand watch until she arrived, and later we found out that the midwife had gotten pulled over by the cops on the way to the hospital cause she was trying hard to be there in time (no, they did not give her a ticket). She made it, and we only were at the hospital about 45 minutes before she was born, underwater, in the middle of the night, in the wee hours of Monday morning.

Noah's birth was also in the middle of the night, also in the wee hours of a Monday morning. It was also perfect in it's own way. We were only at the hospital for 30 minutes this time before he was out. The tub was being filled, but I never made it in before he was born. His labor was also fast, and even more furious, but the midwife was there ahead of us - my chart had a "fast labors" tag on it, so they had learned their lesson from the first time. Noah's birth had such a horrible aftermath, finding out about his bladder exstrophy, and not knowing how to cope, what to think, or who to turn to. It was a whirlwind of desperation, and those first few hours after his birth are the most surreal and confusing I've spent on earth. But looking back now, it was exactly as it should have been.

Both births were natural. Both births were miracles. Both births were hard as hell! And both births were perfect.

Day 294.

2009-10-21T22:01:00.006-05:00

I am grateful for birth.

Being a doula is the best job in the world - how can you top being there for a couple in the most intimate and wonderful day of their lives? It is an incredible blessing to watch a baby being born into this world. It is hopeful, miraculous and an amazing privilege. I feel honored to have witnessed this little girl born into water this evening. She is perfect. Birth is amazing, no matter the details of the journey.

Now if I could just fix the spontaneity. I'm just not spontaneous...I'm realizing that as I approach 30. I like to plan WAY too much for this profession...

Day 293.

2009-10-21T22:01:00.005-05:00

Tuesday, October 20, 2009.

Dentist! It's been almost a year since I've been to the dentist. At some point in my young life, I wanted to be one. What was I thinking? The dentist is quite possibly my least favorite place to go. I cringe just thinking about the cold air and water they spray on my sensitive teeth and how that buzzing machine makes my skin crawl. YUCK. I hate the dentist (not the man, just the experience).

I am grateful for no cavities!

I have not been blessed with good teeth, so I never go to the dentist without having to return for some follow-up work. This time was different - "Come back in 6 months" was music to my ears!!

Day 292.

2009-10-21T22:00:00.002-05:00

Monday, October 19, 2009.

It's going to be a cold, wet week...not so much October-weather. That stinks for me, because I love love love fall. I love 50s and 60s more than any kind of weather. I love jeans and sweaters, not winter coats! I love fall colors, not rain clouds. I love pajamas, but don't want to throw on the afghan quite yet. I love pumpkin everything, and am not prepared for christmas cookies yet. But even though it's cold and yucky, I still have something to be grateful for.

I am grateful for heat.

I often complain about our heating system - we have radiator heat and we control the heat for our whole condo building. That may seem like a wonderful privilege, but it ends up being a curse, because our unit is the hottest in the building (for an unknown reason). So, we have to crank up the temperature so everyone else is warm! The kids run around the house naked all winter cause it's pretty hot for clothes. So, it could be a downside, but when I come into our home from being outside on a cold, windy, rainy day, that moist radiating heat surrounds me and I am so very grateful.

Day 291.

2009-10-18T21:41:00.002-05:00

I was at my mom and dad's church (formerly MY home church) in Champaign-Urbana today and was treated to a wonderful worship service.

I am grateful for The Parables.

The Parables were the worship team from Goshen College, where I also went to school. And realizing that these college students were 10 years younger than me was pretty eye-opening. But, it was more than that of course. The worship experience they provided was even more unbelievable than how far I am from college-age. There were several times when I found myself tearing up at their testimonies and even more so, their music. When they broke out with "O Happy Day" (fond memories of Sister Act), I about lost it. There is no way you can listen to that song, sung like that, and not believe whole-heartedly in the love and forgiveness of sins in Christ.

My Spirit is full.

Day 290.

2009-10-18T21:30:00.002-05:00

Saturday, October 17, 2009.

My best friend from high school got married last week - and her reception in Champaign was last night. It was incredible to see her in a beautiful wedding dress, so happy with this new man beside her...whom I'd never met! That was weird, let me tell you - I now know what she must have felt like when she came to meet Jason at my wedding - it's weird to see someone who is so a part of your life - close and intimate with someone you don't know at all.

I am grateful for roots.

Monique and I had a really special relationship in high school. We were inseparable. I had a guy (whom I had liked during high school) tell me after graduation that he never asked me out because I was just always around Monique all the time - that we were too close...a bond that couldn't have been broken by stupid high school guys I guess.

I realized again just how special this friendship was this morning, when my kids and I went to a brunch at Monique's family's house. We wanted to get to know her new husband better, and to just celebrate with the whole family. What a blessing it was to be there. Monique's family is Mormon, and I have never been or ever will be Mormon. But, I am accepted into their home like one of their children. When someone showed up at the brunch, they actually asked if I was one of "the sisters" (Monique has four sisters). Both of Monique's parents did not hesitate and said confidently, "YES!" It meant so much for them to say that about me, 11 years after Monique and I graduated from high school and really 11 years after I was in their home regularly. I knew the impact their family had on my life, but I hadn't thought about the depth of those roots...with this family that wasn't even my biological family. They had given me so much during those four years of potential high-school angst. I hadn't thought about that time for awhile, and the emotional impact it had on me. These roots in love and acceptance from Monique and her whole family, along with obvious roots from my own biological family have helped me to grow into the woman I am today.

I hope someday I can be that family to one of my children's friends. It's not like I needed a stable home - I had it. It was just a bonus for me - to have a second family that loved me like one of their own.

Day 289.

2009-10-18T21:23:00.002-05:00

Friday, October 16, 2009.

I am grateful for humble pie. Isn't it yummy?

I take Noah to a soccer class each friday morning while Dylan is at preschool. He absolutely loves it and looks forward to it all week. He runs like crazy, kicks balls around and enjoys being part of the group, listening to the coach.

As you will sometimes have in these little tot classes, there is one child who has a really hard time staying on task...okay, that's a major understatement. He does exactly the opposite of what the coach wants him to do - for the entire hour. Now, I have had that child before - namely Noah in gymnastics! He never wanted to do what was the proper group activity at the time, and it was hard for me. I just wanted to encourage him to be a part of the pack and listen and follow directions. But it was hard!!

So, fast forward to soccer when he is totally the kid who is at coach's heels all the way through class. When coach says sit on your spot, he is the first one with his bum on the floor. When coach says run to the other side, he waits for "go!" When coach says wait your turn to kick the ball, he patiently waits. But not Christopher. Christopher is "that kid" that every parent doesn't want to have in a class situation like this. And I was trying to be empathetic for the grown-up (which I think is his grandma)...but it was hard for me to do because of one thing. She was making empty threat after empty threat, and never did he see the consequences of his actions! See, I just have a really hard time with that one. I am NOT a perfect parent, and never will be. I make many many mistakes, admittedly, every hour of every day. But, my parenting pet peeve is empty threats. I have witnessed how empty threats lead to such disrespect for adults, and I just can't stomach them. (If you ever see me give my child an empty threat - kick me in the face.) So, I was having a really hard time with this situation - watching the kid misbehave and disrupt the class (which is small - only like 4 or 5 little kids) and watching the grandma shout out empty threats.

At one point last week, I had this thought, "Geesh, I'm sure glad that kid isn't mine!" What a terrible thought, no? So, guess what came back to bite me? Yep, who's kid was running away from coach this week?

You guessed it...Noah.

But, at least I wasn't making empty threats. :)

Day 288.

2009-10-15T20:31:00.002-05:00

Thursday, October 15, 2009.

Dinner was made by 1:00.

I am grateful for crockpots.

Crockpots are genius. And I want to thank the Crockpot Lady, Stephanie O'Dea for making a really cool blog that got me super-inspired to break out my crock pot and cook some amazing meals. She did a blog in 2008 where she used her crockpot EVERY day for the whole year. Sometimes it was delicious, sometimes it tanked, but she was always honest about the verdict, and shared a side of humor with every dish. I recommend you check it out.

So, today I did not make one of her recipes. I found a yummy spicy sausage soup online that I modified to what I had and it was STELLAR. Here is that recipe. I used precooked brown rice (3c.) instead of instant, left out the pepper, used mild breakfast sausage instead of spicy, upped the chili powder, used double the tomatoes (and no green chiles in them), and cooked it on HIGH for 4 hours, then low 1 hour. So, it was different from this.

BUT, it still turned out great! DELICIOUS! I loved it, it was hearty, and pretty healthy (minus all the red meat of course). That's why I love crockpots - they are really forgiving. You don't have to be exact - and things are still delicious, most of the time.

Day 287.

2009-10-14T19:34:00.002-05:00

Craft projects are fun, especially if they involve nature. On the walk home from preschool today we stopped to climb a favorite tree and we noticed it's beautiful PINK (like HOT pink, yes!) leaves. It was gorgeous! So, we decided to collect some leaves to take home and do a project with.

I am grateful for crafts.

Dylan and Noah put the leaves on wax paper in their own designs while I shaved crayons with a fine grater. Then they sprinkled grated crayon over the paper however they liked. Lastly, we put another sheet of wax paper on top and I ironed the whole thing. Instant beauty! I wanted to hang them in our windows - they would be gorgeous there - but the kids want to give them to Grandma and Grandpa Cindy and Clark since we are eagerly anticipating a visit to Champaign this weekend. Guess we'll have to make some more to decorate our windows!

Day 286.

2009-10-14T07:36:00.001-05:00

Tuesday, October 13, 2009.

I am grateful for the simple, yet amazing, discovery of new things.

I spend at least part of every day cracking up at the creative things that come out of their mouths. Seriously - it's funny stuff.

Today I took a shower and Noah was playing in the bathroom while I was washing up. I opened the curtain and was grabbing for my towel, when Noah made a sour face and pointed to my "hair down there" and said "What is that yucky stuff?"

Wait...did I just write that? Yes, I did. It was too funny not to document. I guess he never took a close look before. It's so amazing to watch these little people discover new things...even things as simple as pubic hair.

Day 285.

2009-10-12T20:43:00.003-05:00

Toy Story in 3D, in honor of it's 10th anniversary. Really? 3D? I like 3D movies when it's a special treat - an IMAX maybe - or some show at Disneyworld where water gets sprayed on you when you think a bug is peeing on you or something. But not regular old movies that were good before 3D glasses entered the picture. 3D glasses are not fun to wear - even though they are plastic now instead of paper. But when you are 2, the glasses don't stay on your face.

We did take the kids to this 3D adventure this afternoon, and I can't say I recommend it. It was their first theater-going experience, and Jason and I were pumped - we LOVE movies, so we've been waiting for this day for awhile now. But I have to admit, I think we should have waited longer.

I am grateful for innocence.

Note to self: don't kill the innocence with cartoons of all things. I had looked at commonsensemedia.org and thoroughly scanned what about Toy Story was violent, scary or inappropriate. It gave it great reviews as far as that went and they considered it a "green light." And, I knew I liked the movie, remembering it from when I watched it 10 years ago. But I was 19 - and at 19, I already knew that people said words like "stupid" and "shut-up" and "idiot" and "kill." And I knew that the toys in the movie were just toys, so when they talked mean to each other, they were just TOYS...and so I shouldn't take it too seriously. And I had seen people (or in this case TOYS) physically fighting before, and so it didn't phase me when Buzz and Woody roll around under the car at the gas station and punch each other out.... But my innocent little four and two year old? They haven't. They've never seen anyone (or thing) punch each other out. They don't have words like idiot in their vocabulary. And they don't know that little nasty boys (girls?) blow up toys with explosives in their backyards.

So, did we make the wrong call? I don't know. It was still fun - they got to have ice cream and popcorn at the movies (note: since when is ICE CREAM at the movies a good idea? Especially with 3D glasses - it's impossible to sit in the dark with 3D glasses on and not be covered in drips - even if you aren't a 4-year old). We did something fun together as a family, and that's the important thing. Now for tomorrow, I just have to figure out how to talk casually about what they saw - you know, just work it into the conversation - so I don't let these new words and actions roll over them like normal fare. Uggghhhh...being a modern parent is hard work. I wish we were Amish.

Day 284.

2009-10-11T22:40:00.002-05:00

I'm not a career woman. I was a graphic designer in my past life, and admit, I do enjoy design a lot. I know I have an eye for it - but I also know I struggle with being creative on demand. And I wasn't thrilled with being a designer for a JOB. So, every once in awhile I get some freelance graphic design work that really feels happy to do. I find passion in doing it, and I remember why I graduated with a graphic design degree.

I am grateful for work.

I am happy to be doing some work right now for a couple of different clients - and it comes at such a great time. We have some unexpected condo building expenses on the horizon, and I was pretty worried about where we would get the money. It feels pretty amazing to be able to contribute to that.

So, while I've spent my whole night working instead of hanging out with my hubby, it feels good to be working.

Day 283.

2009-10-10T21:55:00.002-05:00

I love cooking. It is a real joy of mine to look up a new recipe, find something spectacular and cook it for family and friends. I love making new things. We had some friends over tonight that we went to college with - we hadn't seen them in a long time, and it was wonderful to reconnect.

I am grateful for entertaining.

I admittedly do stress out a bit right before we have company - I enjoy it immensely as I prepare and then right when they are about to arrive I freak out that I won't have everything ready and perfect. We always survive.

This is the menu for tonight (minus the rice pudding - I did this dessert instead).

Day 282.

2009-10-09T19:51:00.003-05:00

Phew.

I caught up. I was almost a week behind - and I was watching the days go by and not wanting to catch up and worrying that this blog would slip away from me!

I am grateful for catching up.

Now I'm back on track and even though I say I was worried - I knew I'd do it. This blog is non-negotiable for me. I have heard enough from others that it is helpful and enjoyable to you readers...so for that reason alone, I must continue. And for little old me here behind the screen - it has been an incredible year for me. A year of delightful surprise - at how this silly little idea has become something inspirational and in fact has changed my whole outlook on life. Gratitude is really the way I am beginning to live my life.

So, I may have had to catch up with the written word, but gratitude is there, whether I write about it or not.

Day 281.

2009-10-08T22:54:00.002-05:00

I always hem and haw about haircuts for my two little blond curly-head children. There curls are wonderful, I am the first to admit I love how they look, how they feel between my fingers, and all the wonderful comments we get while out. People love blond curls! But I hate...H.A.T.E. combing hair battles. And I dislike how their hair looks when it grows out to the point of straggly curls and not cute little tendrils. So, it was time.

I am grateful for haircuts.

I should have taken pictures. I guess I still can. Nothing all that miraculous or new - just clean and cute looking haircuts. That just makes me happy to look at their cute little faces with shapely hair surrounding them. I like that.

Day 280.

2009-10-08T22:53:00.002-05:00

Wednesday, October 7, 2009.

I really wanted to go see Children's Poet Laureate, Mary Ann Hoberman, tonight. She was reciting poetry in hyde park - an event especially for children - only about a mile from our house. It felt like a no-brainer and something I really wanted for my kids to be at.

I am grateful I listened to my daughter (by way of my husband).

Dylan has been playing really nicely at home lately. She gets into the grooves where she just plays and plays and is so happy and interested in what she is doing and even fun things we have to go do - are disruptive. So, when I announced that we were going to this, she was negative about it. Jason happened to be home for a moment before he headed out for grad school, and he offhandedly commented, "Dylan might just want to stay home." Something about that clicked for me in that moment, and I knew he was right. So, I immediately adjusted my own expectations and canceled our plans. I knew it was really me that wanted to go - not my kids. And that they would be just as pleased (more pleased) with staying home, playing together and taking a bath.

So, that's what we did. It was a nice evening, and instead of rushing around (like I was trying to avoid only a few weeks ago...amazing how quickly I can rev up our schedule again when given the opportunity!) - we stayed home and enjoyed each other. Who needs Mary Ann Hoberman in real life when her books will suffice.

Day 279.

2009-10-08T22:52:00.001-05:00

Tuesday October 6, 2009.

We met dear friends today at a wonderful little children's indoor fun place in Indiana. It had been open only 2 weeks and so everything was brand spankin' new.

I am grateful for BellaBoo's.

They had thought everything through at this place. It seemed like the things you usually say "they should have done this..." at these types of places - they did. For example, they had hand sanitizer, kleenexes and little sinks (with automatic water and towel dispensers) everywhere. They had a cooking class area - where they have on the hour almost every hour a mini cooking class where they have the kids make something for a snack. It was healthy, cute and well thought out. The U-shaped counter around the sunken kitchen (so the kids at the adult's eye-level when they are cooking) had little tiny bar stools for the kids to sit on and "work." The dress up area was chocked full of costumes. The play kitchen area had very last cabinet full of something. There were comfy benches everywhere for parents to sit on and watch/talk.

My only complaint is we were told (since we did this) that you aren't supposed to bring in outside food. Well, with my gluten sensitivity, it's easy to get around those rules, but for the rest of our crew not so much. What do they expect you to do when you want to stay all day but don't want to buy the cafe food? Leave early then? Not come at all? So, I hope they revise that policy. But, overall, it was a really fun day! I had to tear the kids away from the fun and they both totally crashed on the way home - anything that wears Dylan out to the point of napping is quite awesome!

Day 278.

2009-10-08T22:41:00.002-05:00

Monday, October 5, 2009.

Tonight was a potluck at Dylan's school. We got to meet many of the parents in her class, and getting to see everyone in a big room together, kids running around tables and parents chatting it up while they try to keep an eye on their running kids...it was homey.

I am grateful for community.

When I think of what close-knit community that I belong to, I think of my church community. They are the ones I share the most with on many levels. But now, we have this preschool community with whom we share this wonderful nursery school. No one at my church knows what KAM Isaiah Israel is. Nobody at church saw me crying the first day of drop-off and comforted me with stories of their own first born separation troubles. I don't see anyone at church as often as I see these 18 families who share pick-up and drop-off schedules three days a week. I'm not replacing my church community in any way here, but I am adding a really nice dimension to my circle. I feel more tied to my neighborhood because my daughter is in school here. Which also affects my thoughts about future schools/kindergarten options. So, I have a lot of thinking to do. But, in the meantime, I'm enjoying this new found community that was dropped right into my lap.

Day 277.

2009-10-08T08:19:00.003-05:00

Sunday, October 4, 2009.

My church has been going through some conflict in the past year, regarding accepting same gender relationships into membership or not. It has been a really rough time on the church leadership team and while I am ready to move forward in our work together, I wasn't sure if much of the congregation was ready to trust each other again.

I am grateful to be able to look people in the face again.

I didn't realize it until today, when we had a day's worth of meetings with a faith-based conflict resolution team, that I often haven't been able to look people in the face in church and really be myself. I have avoided conversations that seemed to loaded, and while I myself felt trustworthy, I didn't know if the congregation saw me that way anymore. Today I realized I had been sort of metaphorically holding my breath...and I began to exhale today.

Thanks to the rest of the congregation who showed up for this work together. I know there are good things in store for us all. I continue to pray especially for the people who have left, including the couple for whom this whole issue was central - it was about them, even when we tried to make it not. I hope they are in a place of peace.

Day 276.

2009-10-07T22:03:00.002-05:00

Saturday, October 3, 2009.

I do love Hyde Park. I know I go on these Hyde Park love binges every once in awhile on this blog, so I guess it's time for another. Just when I get annoyed with city living, I have a lovely day in the neighborhood and feel at home right where I am.

I am grateful for Salonica breakfast.

Salonica is our favorite breakfast spot in Hyde Park - at least it's the best breakfast spot with good service in Hyde Park. Actually - it's one of the best places for customer service in all of HP (which is not saying much since this is one of the neighborhood's biggest faults in my eyes). We had a wonderful morning enjoying eggs, hash browns and sausage (french toast and sausage for the kids) and then headed over to Nichols Park for Halloween in the Park by the Chicago Park District. The kids decorated pumpkins, had hot chocolate, went on a pony ride, and jumped in inflatables. We wrapped up the day at home, enjoying our house and grateful for a day together as a family.

Day 275.

2009-10-02T20:18:00.001-05:00

This is the first weekend in forever where Saturday is wide open. It's not even Saturday yet, and I'm already excited about the lack of plans.

I am grateful for the end of the week.

Friday, I love you.

Day 274.

2009-10-02T20:13:00.002-05:00

Thursday, October 1, 2009.

It was cold today - I guess Welcome to October. I do love the fall, so I'm not really going to complain about it. Sun with the cold would have been even better, but I'll take the closed-toe-shoes, vest and jean weather alone.

I am grateful for the fall farmers market.

Hyde Park's farmers market was still going strong today. The kids and I walked there this morning, a leisurely stroll that turned more into a nature walk on the way home - which then turned into a collecting twigs and leaves and making a home for bugs in plastic ziploc bags. But, back to the farmers market, we got a lot of great stuff. Big tomatoes, green beans, butternut squash, plums, honeycrisp apples, baby bella mushrooms, farm eggs, free range/grass fed chuck roast, chicken legs and ground beef, and grape tomatoes. Yum, yum, yum!

There is nothing like coming home and making a lunch out of your farmers market finds. Happy fall!

Day 273.

2009-09-30T22:05:00.002-05:00

I haven't really given a preschool update in awhile (okay, maybe a week? But for me, it feels like years since we started!) so I think it's time for one.

I am grateful that Dylan loves preschool.

She really does. It's not an obsessive talking about it all the time kind of love, but a really genuine, happy kind of love. She will casually ask me if today is preschool, and be mildly disappointed if it's not. For me, it's the perfect kind of love in this situation - the kind where she's thrilled enough to look forward to going, but not too thrilled where she's still really excited to see us and come home at the end of the three hours. It just makes it easy, and for that reason alone, I love it.

Day 272.

2009-09-29T21:30:00.002-05:00

Having one boy and one girl is great for many reasons, except for the fact that they can't share clothes...well beyond onesies and baby sleepers and possibly pajamas - IF I can convince Dylan that she doesn't need pink. So, clothes are expensive. I do appreciate stores like Once Upon a Child, or Good Cents, the best resale shop I've seen - in Geneva. But, even better...

I am grateful for hand-me-downs.

My dear friend Megan is done having kids, and with her two youngest being girls, her boy clothes have no function after her currently 4-year-old is done with them. I know other people have the luxury of many different sources of hand-me-downs. But me, I've never been the recipient for some reason...until now. And now, Noah scores big time - all thanks to these dear friends - who also truly believe in the power of passing good things on to those you love!

Today I got two big bags full of clothes for Noah, and I am brimming with excitement. Something about going through TWO BIG BAGS of clothes - even when they are little boy clothes - that is just so Christmas morning. I love it! Thanks Megan, I am happy to pay it forward when Noah grows out of these! Beckett...you're next.

Day 271.

2009-09-29T21:22:00.003-05:00

Monday, September 28, 2009.

I hate flying. I've officially confirmed that. You might remember that my last trip to Colorado was by car. And now I think I'll be doing that route more often. I recently read some article about fears/worrying and it talked about overcoming fear of flying with these various audio programs. I thought at the time, "wow, I'm glad I don't have THAT fear at least." Now, I might re-evaluate that thought, but what really stuck with me from those few sentences about fear of flying is that one should repeat in our heads..."Turbulence is not a safety issue, but a service issue."

I am grateful to have landed safely this evening.

I bought the whole service issue thing while we were in the air. Granted, I was still scared stiff by the plane flopping around in the sky thousands of feat up in the air. But, I kept myself relatively calm.

Then came the landing. There was wind in Chicago and as the plan descended, it could not stay level. We would drop suddenly (what I imagine is several hundred feet) and then start swaying. Side to side to side we would lean one way almost 45 degrees, and then back the other way. I think it was a negative that I was sitting above the wing and was watching it sway as we got closer and closer and closer to my beloved city below. I was all but sure we were crashing into a Cicero Ave. stripmall.

Obviously, we made it - we landed, and everyone aboard clapped. Thunderous applause. Now THAT doesn't happen on every flight.

Day 270.

2009-09-29T21:16:00.003-05:00

Sunday, September 27, 2009.

Today I got to make some food for my sister and her family to enjoy later when they don't have any help. I put three pans of lasagna and three containers of chili in the freezer, and tomorrow I plan to make two pans of enchiladas for the freezer, put some pork in the crockpot and stuff some zucchini for their dinner tomorrow night after I'm gone.

I am grateful to be helpful.

I do love to cook, and so I admit, it was fun to make all these dishes in someone else's kitchen while no children interrupted me to need snacks, drinks, playmates, or help with potty breaks. But most importantly, it felt really good to do something I knew would be useful for my sister's family after I was gone. I liked the idea of her dreading dinner and knowing she could just go to their freezer and pull out something to easily bake. It's so easy to be helpful when you are "single!"

Day 269.

2009-09-29T21:12:00.003-05:00

Saturday, September 26, 2009.

Here I am in Colorado. There are many things to be grateful as I enjoy holding my new niece for the first time, play with my other niece and nephew more than I usually get to, and try to help out my sis. Today though, I'll focus on something I got to do this morning that hasn't happened for a long, long time.

I am grateful for a night alone in a bed with no responsibilities and no one to wake me up.

I love sharing my bed at home with Jason. It's been over six years since I've slept alone. And I'd rather not on a regular basis. But I admit, a double bed to myself last night felt pretty dreamy. And more importantly, no one, repeat NO CHILDREN were there to wake me up. I didn't wonder repeatedly throughout the night: Who will wake up first? Will I have to get out of bed soon? I just enjoyed the sleep. Notice the sun begin to stream in through the window, and roll over and go back to sleep. Divine.

Day 268.

2009-09-25T15:18:00.002-05:00

I have spent the day packing for Colorado and packing my kids for Grandma's house (they'll spend part of the weekend there while Jason works on Monday). I'm off to Colorado in 30 minutes, because I get to go meet Nora, my 2-week-old niece!!! I can barely stand the excitement.

I am grateful for this special trip.

I feel so lucky to be able to make this trip out there by myself to help Lara and Steve out for a few days. I'm so excited to see my niece(s!) and nephew. I'm so excited to talk to my sister, who is also going through a lot of transitions as her daughter, who is Dylan's age, is also starting preschool. I feel very blessed. Thanks, Jason, for being a willing dad, ready to dive in and take the kids for a few days solo...you never once made me feel guilty for leaving, and I appreciate that so much. Thanks to Grandma Karen, who will be helping with the childcare while I am away. You are helping make this important visit possible!

I'm sure I'll share a picture or two soon...

Day 267.

2009-09-24T22:00:00.003-05:00

I'm grateful for a simple day.

A simple morning. A wonderfully simple playdate. A simple lunch. A simple afternoon of coloring with Dylan and phone calls to insurance companies. A simple violin class. A simple dinner. And a not so simple Bradley class...just couldn't get in my groove. But if that was the only part that wasn't divinely simple...I'm doing OK.

Note: Notice, I didn't say easy. Or relaxed. It was a busy day where I felt like I had things to do almost constantly. BUT, it was still simple somehow. I have a feeling it had to do with my attitude (see yesterday's post). The dust has settled a bit.