Formation

Day 59.

Today I spent the day with members of my sunday school class as we delved deeper into the idea of spiritual formation and becoming disciples of Jesus. It was a fruitful time of worship, reflection, discussion and prayer. All this talk on spiritual formation makes me think specifically about how our children are formed, and in relation, how I was formed as a child.

I am grateful to my parents who taught me what it means to live life as a Christian, not just call yourself a Christian.

Their modeling is what I hope to bring to my own family now. I wonder how much of my upbringing - relating specifically to spirituality and moral guidance - was intentional, and how much was natural - coming from a much higher place of influence. I am always blown away by this deep responsibility I have of raising my children, and want to strike the right balance of forming and letting them be formed.

I hope I am living a life following Jesus that is evident enough to my children (and others) that it becomes an automatic witness. While, at the same time, showing them that intentional spiritual practice is life-giving and transformative.

Above all, showing unconditional love, and recognizing the love of Christ is at this foundation.
Here is a passage from our day:

Ephesians 3:14-19

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge–that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Focus

Day 58.

I am grateful for field trips.

Today was a dreary, rainy/snowy, wintery day. It was in the 20's and I am just done with that weather. I wanted to be on a beach, but second to that, was the mall. We weren't planning on going to the mall today, and I can't honestly remember the last time I was in a mall...oh, I'm lied - it was when we took the kids to sit on Santa's lap (and the elves publicly scolded me for taking my own photos when there were signs posted). Regardless, the kids love a good carousel ride. The kids needed a good romp in the mall playground. And I needed some time away from my house where I didn't feel chores calling my name.

So, we headed down to Orland Square, got the kids hair cut, did the carousel, had lunch, and played at the playground. Topped off by a little window shopping (promise, not one dime spent), it was a wonderful day!

I am such an attentive mother when I don't have distractions - mainly my own home and all there is to be done there. Or, other times, my distractions are my wonderful friends, who I love talking to, but usually my doing so makes me a not-so-mindful mother. The phone, the computer (hello - did anyone notice I blog daily?!). Let's not think of any more.

But on field trips, I'm all theirs. My attention, my listening ears, my focus.

And then, I see gratitude as a frame of mind, not just a token moment of the day.

Wash, dry, fold, put away, repeat.

Day 57.

I had laundry to do today. Really, what day do I not have laundry to do? If I follow the flylady's lead, then I put in a load every morning after I empty my dishwasher... I got the dishes part down, but laundry is my ever-present nemesis. It piles up on bedroom floors, goes washed and not folded for days, and then folded, but not put away for another few.

When we remodeled our kitchen, we got a stackable washer and dryer. I really love these machines. I adore them, as much as is possible with something that does a job you hate. When I bought them there was a honeymoon period, and I genuinely looked forward to the high-tech chore of doing laundry. That was two weeks, tops.

Today, as I'm folding yet another load (in order for it to sit in a basket), Noah wanted to help. Dylan has helped fold wash clothes/napkins every once in awhile and it has actually worked out quite nicely. But, clothes are another story, and today, his "help" was throwing the clothes high in the air to land all over the family room floor. Even so,

I am grateful for clean laundry.

As I write this, I think of my lack of gratefulness for my high-efficiency washers. When I lived in Costa Rica for three months, on Study Service Term with Goshen College, I lived with a host family and would help with the laundry. They had a very low-tech (I think it was crank?) washing machine, and still did many items on a washboard. Everything was hung to dry. I could count the hours saved by my high-efficiency washer/dryer, but instead I usually loathe the task of laundry. Today, I am grateful.

Fine, Fine, we're fine.

Day 56.

Noah is fine (I assume). He's acting normal and he has a red bruisey mark on his head, but doesn't seem to be acting in any way that would alert even me, the head worrier of momville.

I didn't post about this, but Noah's lead levels (through the finger prick test) were really really elevated on Friday at his 2-year old checkup. In the very scary range - 29 - of whatever measurement they use. So I had to take him back in for a blood-draw lead test. Poor guy - he got two vaccines that morning, a lead finger prick test, and then that afternoon a blood test! He was so mad.

But, the good news is that they finally just called me today and he's fine on the lead front too. His level was less than 5. It was a lab error, which I guess is pretty common. But how annoying to have to wait five days to find out for sure!

I am grateful for my healthy little boy.

Thank you God for walking me through this worrisome time and not letting me freak out like I usually do. I felt like you were holding my hand the whole way. It's nice to feel these little workings of the Spirit.

Bonk.

Day 55.

Noah fell on his head tonight, out of his crib (the rail was down). He told me..."I trying to jump out..."

I am grateful for my babies.

When you see him hit the floor head first, and then snap his neck backwards in process of his body flinging towards the ground, you get a major dose of perspective. And then you hug your little babies a little tighter, go back for one more kiss, and even give into an extraneous bedtime request.

I mean it!

Day 54.

I was just putting Noah and Dylan to bed and I was getting really frustrated. I wanted them in bed, lights out, closed door by 7:00. They were both exhausted and I was exhausted. But everything always takes longer when you're in a hurry, and annoyed.

Dylan and Noah were rolling around the bed instead of getting settled to get their jammies on. I convinced Dylan to cooperate, but Noah started jumping on the bed. I asked him once very firmly to stop - it was time to calm down for bed. And 10 seconds later he did it again. So, I raised my voice and said very sternly: "Noah, I mean it. No jumping." I was mad.

Dylan looked at me like, "whoa, she means business." But Noah? He cracked a smile and said in a whiney little voice: "I mean it! I mean it!"

I am grateful to be able to laugh at myself.

First Dylan laughed, then Noah laughed and said, "That funny mommy! I mean it!"
I tried to quickly think of something really sad to keep me from laughing. No luck. I couldn't help it and started giggling. We all ended up cuddling and giggling, and they both relaxed into my lap for stories.

Play is fun again

Day 53.

I don't know if it was my admitting my lack of enjoyment in pretend play or divine help that allowed me to revel in play the last few days. I have been able to sit and enjoy playtime to a level that has not happened for a long long time. I can play ponies with Dylan and actually have fun an not think of the five things I should be doing instead.

I think part of it might have a little to do with feeling like Dylan is getting so old lately, and kind of mourning the thought of her starting school. It's not happening tomorrow, but I'm just realizing that I'll see that day as a goodbye on many levels. So, I've been not taking little moments for granted these days. Trying to plan less, go less places, and just play together.
Today,

I am grateful for patience.

I'm sure tomorrow it won't be the same, so I won't increase my expectations. But instead, I'll be grateful and happy and enjoy every moment that Dylan and Noah and I have together. And hope this patience-kick lasts a little while longer...