Day 295.

Being gone at a birth yesterday all day, I didn't think about my kids much. I was focused on my job - to protect the space of the laboring couple - to be their right hand woman. It was an amazing experience that I will never forget. But when that baby came out and I remembered that moment in my own past, I wanted to hold my precious babes right then and there. I wanted to look into their eyes, pray for them, bless them, and revel in them.

I am grateful for my two births.

Today I replayed the birth from yesterday many times again in my head. They had given birth in the same tub as I had birthed Dylan. It was a really cool experience being back in that room again.

Dylan's birth was so fast and so perfect. The journey to motherhood seemed to catch me by surprise. I was two weeks early, and the midwife barely got there - I remember them sending in an OB to stand watch until she arrived, and later we found out that the midwife had gotten pulled over by the cops on the way to the hospital cause she was trying hard to be there in time (no, they did not give her a ticket). She made it, and we only were at the hospital about 45 minutes before she was born, underwater, in the middle of the night, in the wee hours of Monday morning.

Noah's birth was also in the middle of the night, also in the wee hours of a Monday morning. It was also perfect in it's own way. We were only at the hospital for 30 minutes this time before he was out. The tub was being filled, but I never made it in before he was born. His labor was also fast, and even more furious, but the midwife was there ahead of us - my chart had a "fast labors" tag on it, so they had learned their lesson from the first time. Noah's birth had such a horrible aftermath, finding out about his bladder exstrophy, and not knowing how to cope, what to think, or who to turn to. It was a whirlwind of desperation, and those first few hours after his birth are the most surreal and confusing I've spent on earth. But looking back now, it was exactly as it should have been.

Both births were natural. Both births were miracles. Both births were hard as hell! And both births were perfect.