Day 161.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009.

I am a lifelong worrier. I worry about my family, our health, my church, safe travel, the world.

I have spent most of my life trying not to worry, which usually results in even more worrying...essentially worrying about worrying. I have come to accept it as a deeply ingrained part of my makeup, and an unfortunate thing I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life. Or is it really that unfortunate?

I am grateful for worry.

I was invited to give a meditation at my church last November, and decided on the topic of worry. It was the most logical topic for me - to use my most overwhelming struggle as a point of learning for the congregation and myself. In the meditation I cited a scripture that has become really important to me in my life.

Philippians 4:6-7
Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Later in the sermon, I had this paragraph:

"This week, while re-reading Philippians 4:6-7 many times to prepare for this meditation, I saw something new in verse 6 that I hadn’t noticed before. Again, it reads: “Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” With thanksgiving. I had always taken that to mean thanking God for what we have already been given…being grateful. But I began to see how actually being thankful for our worries, and our ability to lift them up to God, could provide it’s own therapy. In the midst of a mind-numbing worry, it’s hard to thank God for providing that chance for spiritual connection. But these moments are filled with opportunity. The opportunity to trust God. "

Today was the first time I had read that paragraph since last November. I didn't remember that I had talked about being grateful as an essential part of "worry management." Maybe my worries themselves have birthed this blog, and so for you worries, I am grateful.