Friday, May 8, 2009

Couch time

Day 128.

Noah and Dylan both fell asleep on the way home from the mall this early afternoon. My Aunt Jeanie came up from Champaign for the day and we had a fun day together - that wore them out and they conked soon after we left. We came home and Noah woke up when the car stopped moving - so I had to bring him up with me (while Dylan slept downstairs in the car with Jeanie). I knew he was still tired, but awake enough to be mad about being put in his crib - I knew that wouldn't work. So, we laid on the couch together, cuddling, and he dozed on and off for about 45 minutes.

I am grateful for cuddling.

Did I already do this one? Gee, I need to have a list that I can consult because it's very likely I've said this before. But, if I don't remember it, hopefully no one else will. And really, if you're going to have a duplicate, an emphasis on cuddling is a good one.

I used to be a huge cuddler, but something about having two children who nursed a lot, slept in our bed a lot (butted up next to me nonetheless) kind of cuddled me out. At least when I sleep, I don't want bodies touching me anymore.

But, now that my kids are four and two, the cuddles aren't as frequent anymore. No one is nursing, no one needs to be held, or carried in a sling, or nuzzled to sleep. So, my body is finally my body. My sleep is mostly my sleep. And now, I crave a good cuddle with my babies, who are not really babies anymore.

When I'm not trying to sleep (which would have been nice today, but he was too squirmy for me, the lightest sleeper on earth) - cuddling is the best. I love their little sweaty bodies mushed up against mine, deep breathing, hair tickling my cheek, dead weight on my chest.

I mourn for the last day that happens. When will it be, and when it comes will I know it is the last time?

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